He hasn’t texted you back (he’s probably with another girl), he’s talking to her instead of you (they’re probably a “thing”), he liked your Instagram (maybe he wants to date you), but he liked her Instagram too (he’s probably a player).
Boys. They are constantly the topic of discussion for girls. When don’t we talk about them? We constantly wonder what is going on inside their heads. Lately, it has come to my attention that articles, tweets, and conversations are all pointing the finger to the guys saying: “HEY, YOU: DO THIS AND THAT AND US GIRLS WILL BE HAPPY.” But have we ever thought to actually ask the men themselves to explain maybe just a little what is going on in that testosterone-loaded melon on top of their neck?
I took it upon myself to ask them. I grabbed five guys from around campus and asked the question, “What don’t girls understand about guys and what they’re going through in college?” I’m taking the spotlight off us girls and giving the men a voice. So listen up because this is going to save you a lot of headaches, confusion, and maybe even tears over the opposite sex that we must end up procreating with.
Body Image: Surprisingly, guys care just as much about their appearance as we do.
Mr. Sympathizer: “It always seems like self-image is considered to be a feminine struggle, but I think guys struggle just as much with self-image as girls do. I certainly don’t know what a girl’s mind is like, but I know for me personally I’m very aware of how I look and how people perceive me. I’m aware of how I dress, what my hair is like, how often I work out and how fit I feel, and a lot more.”
Mr. Not-a-Gym Rat: “Women should also know that guys are probably just as insecure about things as girls are. We struggle with body-image too. Coming from a guy who doesn’t have the body of a Greek Adonis or anything remotely near it, being in an environment where gym rats are seemingly everywhere, the pressure to have the ‘perfect body’ is intense. Skinny guys wish they had more body mass, larger guys wish they had less, muscle guys wish they were more toned. This may seem dumb but I know girls can relate.”
Mr. Fashion Police: “Guys worry about their weight too. It may not seem like it, but we secretly do. Looking good for you is actually a huge deal. I personally always ask another girl for advice. But this doesn’t mean we like to have you shop for us.”
Girls: The one I know you’ve all been waiting for.
Mr. Know-Your-Worth: “College is a time where you are constantly surrounded by people your age and that prospect for guys makes things… interesting. There will be no other time in life when this many young, beautiful people surround you. What girls should take away from this is that they need to hold guys to a standard at which they deserve. Any guy who is unwilling to meet this standard is a guy they should not pursue.” (whew, *snaps*)
Mr. Literal: “You need to literally be literal with us, literally. We’re just as bad at reading what you’re trying to tell us, as we are at telling you how we feel. Tell us when what I think is a cute goodnight text is annoying. As necessary as self-disclosure is, don’t drown him with it. Guys need to be spoon-fed when it comes to shit like this. Acknowledge the small things you appreciate or make it blatantly obviously you didn’t like him touching your ass in public. If you disclose too much too soon though, we feel trapped and that’s when guys start backing out. Now when it comes to a guy who is trying really hard but you’re truly just not interested…stop leading him on. Be upfront, and honest. Assume we’re dumb, because when it comes to girls, we literally are.”
Just Being a Guy: In the words of Britney Spears: not a boy, not yet a man?
Mr. Step It Up: “Being a guy is pretty scary. I mean, I prefer it to the alternative, but physically and socially and spiritually speaking there are a lot of demands. Physically, I feel like I am in competition with other guys to have bigger muscles or win at sports, and that there’s some social expectation for me to know how to do manly things like fix a car or something. Socially and spiritually I’m expected to be a leader, to use wisdom that I feel like I haven’t acquired yet. The more I grow, the less wisdom I feel like I have, yet the more of a man I have to be. It seems like a weird cycle, but I have to step up somewhere.”
Mr. Independent (sorta): “In the college period of a guy’s life there exists an inward tug-of-war between two opposing ideals. On one side of the rope we desire independence and security through our own capabilities. Often, I think ‘I just wanna go out into the woods. Alone. And survive.’ We don’t want to ‘need’ anything. Pulling on the opposing side of the rope, we have our desire for companionship and belonging. We want to be apart of something true that provides us with affirmation of our manhood. This could be a relationship with a girl, a fraternity, a sports club etc. We want others to want us and need us.”
Mr. Finally Free: “College for guys is a whirlwind time. You are free from parental bondage; you make your own rules (to an extent); you surround yourself with people who think the same way as you and this can either be a really good thing or a very bad thing for a guy who is looking to become a man.”
I know these boys had a lot to say and maybe this helped you get inside a guy’s mind for a quick second. If you’re still seeking more or still lost as to why he didn’t text you back, or you’re having some other irrational freak out over something he did, here’s a thought from Mr. Wise Guy because honestly, I couldn’t of said it any better:
“But for those girls out there seeking to understand men, the truth is, we are self-authenticating. That is, you cannot understand a man completely unless you are a man. That doesn’t mean give up, it means that a woman should find rest in uncertainty, joy in mystery and contentment in differences.”
So, boys. They will probably always be number one in conversation for girls besides talking about other girls. But I think we should step out of our own minds sometimes and realize boys have just as many obstacles, challenges, insecurities, and irrational thoughts as we do. Girls need to understand boys can’t constantly cater to us because at the end of the day they have just as much understanding about our minds as we do about theirs, aka nothing. Before the next time you freak out because you don’t understand ‘what the hell’ he was thinking, take a deep breath, and know he’s just as crazy as you are.