Dating assholes has been an eternal struggle for girls everywhere. You hear your girlfriends complaining about it, you hear yourself complaining about it; and the worst; you hear the nice guys complaining about it.
Don’t worry nice guys-let this champion break it down for you. I’ve taken the time to dissect this ongoing issue concerning girls always dating assholes and throughout my endeavors, I found the underlying origins that will clear up the status quo.
Here’s the thing: no girl actually WANTS to date an asshole. Instead, every girl wants to be the girl that changes the asshole.
The majority of girls are enticed by assholes because it’s a damn quest. Fundamentally, dating in your twenties is all about playing the game; am I right or am I right? We already know going into it that he’s probably an asshole, but we do it anyway, every time. Why? Because every single one of us is fervently craving to be that exception, the one who makes a player quit the game.
This perpetual loop is forced by nature. After all, we’re just creatures, right? It’s not you, nice guys; it’s nature! (Try that line next time a nice guy is trying to cross over the friend zone.) Dating an asshole is sort of like taming a wild horse. You meet out in the wild; you work to gain their trust and respect, train them a little and then, ‘Viola! Your horse has been branded. Nice guys, on the other hand, are like old golden retrievers. They’re all loyal and fun-loving and you know that they’re always going to be there waiting for you with their unconditional love. I don’t know about you guys, but I want a wild beast of a horse not some old shaggy dog.
Dating a nice guy is just boring for us. Girls love a project. We feel more of use in a relationship when the other person needs fixing; it keeps us busy-it’s like a little part time job. As females, we like to be a source of growth and evolvement. We want to be the one who ripens you into the guy who sends us a ‘good morning beautiful’ text. That text doesn’t mean as much if we’re not the one responsible for it’s renovation. Nice guys are already fixed and that’s no fun. Dating someone who doesn’t need fixing would be weird because it’s not really yours, it just feels lived in. Chances are that we are going to get bored with the nice guys, ultimately end up to hurting you. You can take my perfectly molded Rainbow flip-flops or my favorite infinity scarf away from me but don’t make me be the bad guy! Don’t do it!
It’s all just one big rush. When you get involved with an asshole, the both of you are put in a very vulnerable state, which is what makes this whole situation so zesty and invigorating; it’s like a spicy hummus-yum! Basically, assholes are scared of experiencing feelings while girls are scared of getting hurt. It’s a toxic sequence that both parties are ruthlessly participating in. Whether you recognize it or not, it’s happening around us all of the time. When a guy checks out a girl at the bar and thinks, “Mmm I could hit that”; that girl is looking right back at him thinking, “Oh I could TOTALLY fix that.” Doesn’t matter how you slice it, it’s most likely not going to end well but it’s definitely going to be one hell of a ride while it lasts.
Truly, there are some success stories. Mandy Moore illustrated a beautiful depiction of a girl branding her horse in ‘A Walk To Remember’. Sure, it may have killed her but still, I’m pretty sure that she left Landon way better than how she found him. That is simply all that we are looking for, to feel special enough to silently sway an asshole to change his ways for us. The fantasy is that he will start out as an asshole and allow us to guide him into the transformation of being a nice guy. See, it’s just one big heartbreaking full circle. Good luck, girls.
Featured image via The CW The Vampire Diaries
You are looking WAY to far in to this….If a girl is dating an asshole its 95% of the time because shes just SHALLOW..plain and simple. and Maybe 5% of the time what you said or because they just genuinely like assholes lol.
So you’re advising that girls continue to date assholes and consequentially get hurt, disrespected, degraded, and/or used for sex? And did you ever consider that dating assholes could just be a behavior taught by media and could be changed by showing girls on TV shows that have more respect for themselves? You’re also suggesting that being a nice guy should be punished (by rejecting the nice guy) and being an asshole should be rewarded (by dating them and possibly engaging in sexual acts with them), if you’re suggesting that, its time to revise your values.
P.S. I’m a guy, so this doesn’t mean as much coming from me, girls, feel free to chime in and give your support, it would be much appreciated.
Why do you think that girls can be used for sex. May be they enjoy sex as well and they want to date a bad guy because he is good in sex and not clingy, looking for a emotionally draining relationship.
Sorry to tell you, when you look at the ancient religions, cultures, and archaeological findings etc. you can find that women are actually more sexual than women. It is because of the man-dominated religions like hinduism, judaism, christianity and islam that women are suppressed in every way and sex is considered as a taboo. The ancient people respected and embrued sex because they knew naturally, that sex is required for the continuity of the species and thereby both women and men were respect as sexual creatures.
Ask a women now, with how many men she slept now, she might answer 3 or 4 in her lifetime when the real truth is above 30 or something. They don’t admit because they are afraid of slut-shaming by the man-dominated society.
Any besides Nice-guys and assholes are two sides of the same coin. The assholes have sex for their own pleasure and treat women like sh*t – sexist.
The nice guys on the other hand think women are completely innocent creatures without any sexual intentions and they need some gay little disney type cute romance and thereby considering women to be weak and they need only nice men to show them the way – again sexist.
If they want a bad guy, then they shouldn’t complain when they’re reinforcing their behavior. It just makes them sound stupid.
Wow. You have SO much growing up to do! Do you really think you can pull these idiotic little theories out of your rectum and pass them off as some sort of intelligent debate? Guess again. (Here’s a hint: ancient peoples valued virginity as highly as anyone else ever has. That’s just one major hole in your thinking. There are many more)
Even your nick indicates some serious mental issues. Have you ever seen a truly mature, stable individual talk the way you do, or choose a nickname as stupid and vulgar as yours? No, you haven’t. That’s because adults don’t behave that way. You may find out for yourself one day.
Devon & Christian (above) are obviously nice guys and don’t like what they read, from a woman telling guys what they (women) want.
“You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink”
First of all, the title is extremely deceiving to the layperson and no studies to date have shown anything of what this article stated. The definition of Psychology is the “SCIENTIFIC study of human and animal behavior”…I emphasize the first word of the definition because in order for it to be titled the “Psychology of Love” there must have been either a manipulation (experimental vs control group) OR a gathering of S-Data/a correlation coefficient (ie self-reports, etc). I do have to agree with the previous comment that this article is basically adding more to the fire that’s already been created by many other media sources that stereotype men and women to “act” a certain way instead of looking at the core of a human being. You also cannot change someone’s behavior that easy after the first couple of dates (even if you try a Skinnerian approach of reward and/or punishment).
@Jacob Do you see any degree certifications? No? Shut the fuck up.
I’ve been a nice guy for a lot of my life. Did it get me laid? Sometimes; but mostly it got me female friends.
Adopt an “I don’t give a fuck” attitude, and start approaching girls.
Speak your mind, and make your intentions clear, and often. If you let her know that you want sex early on, and she’s still talking to you, would you not take that as a sign? If she gives you a negative reaction, ON TO THE NEXT ONE!
Our society has raised a bunch of possessive, controlling “nice” guys that get butt hurt when they can’t get laid. They proceed to take it out on the people who can get laid.
Fuckin pussies.
Lol, “fuckin pussies” I’m a nice guy, I don’t care for relationships; school etc. But. Half of this right, then you have the girls who complain to the Nice guys. Like the girls want them to date her. And right when so called “pussies” muster the nerve to ask her out. She dates another bad boy. I guess it is nature.
The only value the article has in that it is an honest admission of the reality that nice guys lose.
If my fellow girlfriends go for badboys, they are superficial seeking attraction because they want to feel the tingles below the waist.
But it’s reasoning (women are a source of growth and this seek to change a bad guy) is pure rationalization.
But it is understandable that we women have trouble facing this, so we romanticize and rationalize it.
We as women must accept the truth that our very nature of what we are attracted to is contradictory to what leads to the best relationship and sex with someone who cares about you is more meaningful.
If you want to talk nature a stable provider is attractive and a cad that will pump and dump will have her ostracised from the clan.
Do you think our grandmothers wanted a bad guy to change? No they wanted a nice guy for the stability.
It’s only that society allows women to mooch off quotas, welfare and alimony that allows tingle chasing.
Recognise the admission. And adjust behaviour accordingly if you want to get laid. But don’t fall for the rationalisation and start believing that slutty behavior and seeking the most efficient provider is ‘natural’ or noble.
Also this is pure BS:
“When a guy checks out a girl at the bar and thinks, “Mmm I could hit that”; that girl is looking right back at him thinking, “Oh I could TOTALLY fix that.””
— yeah I’m sure when a woman is grinding her pussy against a dude on the dance floor and shoving her tongue down his throat she’s thinking of fixing him???.
lmao i laughed at the last part. I have never in my life thought “oo I could fix that.” More like “mm i could hit that.”
The only value the article has in that it is an honest admission of the reality that nice guys lose.
If my girlfriends go for bad boys, they are merely superficial since they just want the thrill of the attraction and the tingles below the waist.
But it’s reasoning (women are a source of growth and this seek to change a bad guy is pure rationalizing. If you want to talk nature a stable provider is attractive and a cad that will pump and dump will have her ostracised from the clan.
Do you think our grandmothers wanted a bad guy to change? No they wanted a nice guy for the stability.
It’s only that society allows women to mooch off quotas, welfare and alimony that allows tingle chasing.
Recognise the admission and adjust your behaviour accordingly if you want to get many one night stands.
But don’t fall for the rationalisation and start believing that slutty behaviour and going after the man who can provide the best are ‘natural’ and noble.
Also this is pure BS:
“When a guy checks out a girl at the bar and thinks, “Mmm I could hit that”; that girl is looking right back at him thinking, “Oh I could TOTALLY fix that.””
— yeah I’m sure when a chick is grinding her pussy against a guy’s leg on the dance floor and shoving her tongue down his throat she’s thinking of fixing him ???.
The motivation to date a ‘bad boy’ is to change him? Maybe but probably not. It’s a nice thought though; like a brilliant idea coming out from a movie. Not all bad boys are always bad and not all good boys are good. I think every human being have a tendency to be bad and good. We all have good hearts deep down but sometimes fall short and do ‘bad things’ cuz our social lives demands us to.
Here’s what I think: Girls don’t date good boys not because they are boring. Its because good boys are more conservative and less up front compared to the bad boys. They tend to make girls guess a lot and somewhat lack the assertiveness that girls hope for; whereas the bad boys are quite assertive initially and give girls the attention they need. In short, bad boys sell themselves much much better than good boys.
In defense of good boys – Lack of assertiveness and courage to ask girls out aren’t always a bad thing though. The reason for this kind of behavior is because boys feel the need to always respect the girl as a person and her personal space; and not see them as mere objects for pleasure and etc. To me, this is good character even when it seems boring at first.
But anyways, explaining these sort of things aren’t as simple as it seems. There are multitude of social factors that we need to consider before making generalizations.
if your a nice guy… think of it as this..
imagine a fat obese chick who moans and complains that she can’t get men attracted to her… After all she is *nice*
umm….yeaaaa. thats a comparison that doesnt make any sense
I enjoyed reading SOME stuff in the article, but that`s it.
Your hero is Mnay Moores character, in the last paragraph ? See ?? See what the god damn tv made to our heads !! lol This and disney, and love songs
When I see a hot Man on the street, I DO think now “Gawd, how I woul nail that!!”” 😀
And that s a progress for.. what was a Good Girl
I enjoyed reading SOME stuff in the article, but that`s it.
Your hero is Mnay Moores character, in the last paragraph ? See ?? See what the god damn tv made to our heads !! lol This and disney, and love songs
When I see a hot Man on the street, I DO think now “Gawd, how I woul nail that!!”” 😀
And that s a progress for.. what was a Good Girl
It sucks, I found this because I still dont get why us people want others to change for us, it s so dumb
It goes both ways, men and women ..
I liked the Wild Horse comparison though !
I did not get to change my bad boys. In fact , I believe part of me, big part of me wanted the fun just like we all do. All I gotta fix now is the damn heart 😀
Peace! And stop waching movies, life is .. totally a different bite. You probablygot it by now 😀
“kelly_alto is a writer and comedian”
Yep. She is.
woman who fall for bad boys are just dumb sluts. I don’t agree with being a nice guy either though, but still, it’s just smarter for a girl to date a nice guy because hes more stable, will provide stable security, dating and falling for a bad boy just to get your rocks off and saying that it’s to fix them is the dumbest fucking shit I ever heard lol girls like you actually find these really delusional reasons to justify your retardation. The guys who are thinking about fucking you? these “bad boys”?? they also don’t mind sharing and degrading you, how do I know this? because I have 14 ex girlfriends and I played them all, I’m married now, to my wife, and this woman has taught me how to be a man, I can’t believe the shit I use to do. There is no justification for the lack of decency that players and sluts portray. It is a hard facet to forgive too.
This article is stupid. And written by a stupid bitch. You cannot make someone change for you they have to make that choice. And being an emotionally retarded abuser of women does not make a man a real man. An asshole is not a real man. An alpha-male can still be a strong, sweet charming gentleman that doesn’t let anyone push him around. Being a nice man does not have to equate being a man who lets people push him around. What’s the point in trying to change a “bad boy” into a good guy if you don’t like good guys that much anyway? Counterproductive if you ask me. Women also like respect, love and romance as much as people think they like stupid assholes that dont care about them. I am a woman by the way and I am tired of the dumb bitches like the one that wrote this article making women look bad. Power and strength does not belong to “bad boys”. A man can still be a powerful strong alpha-male without being an emotionally retarded asshole that thinks the world owes him something, plays the victim, blames everyone but himself.
Got that right, it’s kid stuff … like Mickey Mouse.
honestly yes, stupid bitch doesnt adequately define the state of this princess’ delusion. she is clearly just another complete and utter moron. using all and sundry to stroke her fragile ego. fundamentally narcissstic in her completely awful vision of how the world is. I doubt she’s ever had an honest conversation with anyone in her entire life. Class A Bimbo. Good guy – Bad guy ?? Shut up idiot! Inside we are all the same. We all suffer the human condition, and there is good and bad in every ‘GUY’, as you so eloquently put it. you, madam princess me me me I’m so f’ing special, are, just not at all capable of bringing the good side out of anyone. If you were you wouldn’t need to overcompensate for this diffciency – you experience, and are obviously hung up on.. you see – to most people this comes naturally. it certanly is not some kind of warped competition. it’s called being yourself. you should try it sometime, but I doubt you will. you will probably just continue to prance around your vain and narrow minded little word, getting your tits out every time some complete asshole pays you a rude compliment. wow. what a life. I pity you girl, but there is an element of balance in knowing what to expect. at least it’s certain you will never find your prince.
Are you effing serious? You are the type of woman who other women want to fucking kill. I have never read such sexism perpetuating drivel in my entire life.
Firstly, ‘good guys’ are rarely actually good to women. Their just arseholes who think they’re different. And they NEVER are. At least ‘bad boy’s’ are up front about it and not sly, closet psychos.
Secondly, personally I keep seeing whoever is good in bed. I’m not one of you ppl who need to be around someone all the time. The days are gone when it was only men who wanted sex alone from an interaction.
Get over it. If you can’t please a woman, don’t hate on her for finding someone who will. Examine yourself.
Because their trouble makers themselves.
They sure Can’t handle being with us good guys, that is for sure.
This is ENTIRELY ON POINT! Nailed it Ms Kelly Alto
Well. All I can say is good luck dating assholes. By the time you realize the mistakes, all the nice attractive guys will be taken.
So basically you’re saying that every girl is a bitch just like you? No no no, I don’t buy that.
Girls chase assholes, because their dad was an asshole when he abandoned her and her mother for someone else. so shes perpetually chasing an asshole who doesnt love her, because that quest is all she knows as love.
In other words, shes a shallow nutcase who will skate from guy to guy until she gets fat or pregnant, then wants to settle down when she runs out of options.
I personally like nice guys and don’t want to chase a bad guy because it’s a waist of time. Nice guys will always be there for you and who doesn’t want that.
So basically you said that you like a challenge of changing someone and bad boys are the only ones that need changing. But the second part of the statement isn’t true. Nice guys also need changing, but in a different area: they need to be “taught” how to be less socially awkward (and, as a nice guys, with Asperger’s, I know only too well that women see this shortcoming). So the question is: why is a challenge of “changing bad boy into good guy” interesting while the challenge of “teaching socially awkward nice guy to become social butterfly” isn’t?
Let’s look at the wider situation. There are websites that deal with female led marriage. If you browse them, you will find that the husband is a super nice guy: He gives all his income to his wife but has to be satisfied with meager allowance, he transfers all his possessions under his wife’s name, he does all the housework (while her wife could relax after work), he pampers her with personal services. In short, he treats her wife as a mistress or queen. Guess how her wife treats him: She puts him on chastity, denies him sex and demands him to be faithful while she is free to have a lot of sex with another man/other man. She often agrees to have sex exclusively with the lover (while the lover bangs other women). In short, super nice husband has to perform a lot of services to her wife, but get no sexual reward, while the bad boy (lover) gets all sexual reward even though he does nothing for her, except using her for sex. And she is very happy with the arrangement, without feeling any guilt. What this lifestyle and this article reveal is that bad boys win hands down in all situations: before and after marriage the prevailing situation is ‘Alpha fucks beta bucks’.
As this trend seems to be growing, I do not know what the future holds for responsible nice guys, those who just want to have a family, have steady sex with wife and have children, in return for commitment, provision and service for the wives and children.
Violet, pretty sure those are fetish websites dude. There’s nothing to suggest that dysfunctional relationships like that are common or even on the rise. On the other hand, it has all the markings of a male fantasy of a domination/humiliation fetish.
I think it’s a primal instinct, and this study proves it:
http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/why-we-are-attracted-to-deviant-personalities/
To put it simple, a “bad boy” can protect her in the jungle better than a “nice guy” can.
In your mind you think these girls must persue a noble quest. It is the only reason you can think of. Because you cannot believe girls are actually that stupid. So they must have some unconcious smart genius plan or something. You look way beyond than what actually is. That is that Girls are just dumb assholes themselsves. And you guys shouldn’t come up with great excuses for girls to hide their stupidity. They just live the thrill.
This is seriously a hilarious article. Asking sincerely, is this satire? Because the author has some serious issues she should be dealing with. This line in particular had me cracking up:
“Dating someone who doesn’t need fixing would be weird because it’s not really yours, it just feels lived in.”
It’s like some twisted version of a guy thinking “I can’t date a girl unless she’s a virgin, otherwise she just feels broken in.” Or, “I want to date a young/inexperienced girl so I can mold her into what I want.” Immature and senseless, it says more about the naive or neurotic attitude of the speaker than the quality of the women he seeks.