I Know You’re Gone But I Still Miss The Idea Of You

This piece is some creative writing about someone that I had once potentially saw a future with. I didn’t see him until he was right in front of me and just like that, he was gone. It was one of those dating situations where you get into the heat of it and they’re gone in a flash, before your mind even has time to process what might have went wrong. This is the carnage of what my mind was dealing with after this almost relationship.

Once again, I sit here like I always do,
Replaying back my memories of you.
It wasn’t like we had too many encounters,
And yet, I can do this for hours.

I don’t know what it was about us that has me trapped in my mind,
Maybe it was the fact you were good for me,
Maybe it was the idea of us in general,
Or many it was the thought that you just simply changed your mind.

So easily you walked in,
Without a real hello or a presence in line.
So easily you walked away from me,
Without a wave or a proper goodbye.

And yet, here I am,
Sitting here alone with my own thoughts,
Wondering what I might have done wrong,
And why am I the one to pay the cost.

It wasn’t a big deal,
It shouldn’t have hurt so bad.
It wasn’t like you were Prince Charming or my first love,
But you were something I never really had.

And yet, I continue to sit here,
Crying into a whiskey that once was full.
Wishing that I could go back to that day,
And pretend not to be a fool.

I let myself drown in my own misery,
Hoping to find an epiphany.
I let myself crash into this broken wall,
And I don’t even bother to brace myself for the fall.

Do our scars ever get done healing?
Do our hearts ever stop reeling?
Do our minds ever stop racing?
Do our souls ever stop feeling?

Why do I keep letting myself ache,
When I know that I’m capable of moving on from this pain.
Why do I continue to let myself suffer,
When I know that there is nothing left to wonder.

I continue to hurt myself,
Knowing that I could be doing more.
I continue to let myself live in the past,
Wishing I was the one that you adored.

And yet again, I sit here,
Knowing that our time has past.
But I continue to let myself drown in the memories,
Wishing this feeling would last.

I ask the sky above,
Why have you brought me so much pain?
I continue to look for an answer in the stars,
But yet, they just continue to reveal the same.

I keep pushing myself,
To see a future without you,
But all I keep thinking is,
One day you will realize how much you miss the idea of me,
As much as I miss the idea of you.

Featured image via heycnyn on Instagram

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