If I’m being completely honest, 2017 broke me entirely. I hit rock bottom. My marriage had ended, which made me send my daughter to live with my mother until I figured things out. And while I was fighting to stand on two feet; bouncing from house to house, couch to couch, the only thing that hadn’t left me was my dog. Needless to say, I was happy to see 2017 come to an end.
The days in between Christmas and New Years may seem like a blur to most people. And I will admit there were a few times that I had no idea what day it was! But it gave me the much needed time to reflect on what I wanted to change in the upcoming year. I made a promise to myself, to put the pieces of my life back together. But this time I’m writing the story. Not my husband. Not my family. Not the military. Me.
With that promise I made to myself, here’s what I will not allow in my life this year:
You find out who your real friends are when you no longer have a place to live. And when anyone says, “I’m here if you need me,” ask them if you can crash on your couch for a week or two. Just watch your circle of friends get smaller. And friends start to disappear.
I am a brutally honest person, so yes I expect you to be honest with me in return. If you can’t do that then I have no place for you. Honesty is a key to any relationship, no matter how small. And lies can spin out of control way too fast.
I have always been the type to hate my own body and everything about it. I never thought I was ever good enough. For anything. I never felt comfortable in my own skin. Someone else was always more prettier, more skinnier, with better hair and nicer clothes than me.
I’m not going to lie, I spent at least a quarter of 2017 on a couch binge watching Netflix somewhere. Between my divorce and not having a permanent place to live, I didn’t know what else to do. At one point I had watched so much that Netflix couldn’t (or wouldn’t) suggest me anything else.
These are the worst! If this is considered modern dating, count me out. I don’t want someone to tell me they love me one day and then tell me they don’t know what they want the next. It’s a vicious cycle that needs to be stopped.
While I can keep the list going, this is my top 5. Trust me, this list will take some work. But I am ready to be a better person than I was. I’m ready to have a better year than the last. I’m ready to make a better life than it was before. If not for me than at least for my daughter.
Feature image via WeHeartIt.