We’re all a little guilty of hanging out with an ex. And while sometimes people genuinely want to be friends after a breakout, and are able to, most of the time friends and family look at you with a tilted head as you explain why you are hanging out with an ex you really shouldn’t be friends with.
There’s nothing to be ashamed of for still hanging out with your ex. Both sexes are equally involved in initiating these friendships, and sometimes it’s just nice to feel somewhat normal. There can be some positive reasons and outlooks that draw people back into each other’s lives.
You know each other already so it’s easy to get back into each other’s lives. Sure there might be some uncomfortable moments at first, but they soon leave. It’s nice to know that when you need something you know how someone will react and you can trust their opinion. Plus you know what hobbies they’re interested in so it makes it easy.
If the relationship ended fairly mutual or for a good reason then there is a warm comfort knowing that you still have each other in your lives. It’s a warm feeling. Your trust may not have been entirely broken so you still have your safe place. Obviously, there are boundaries, especially if one is in a relationship, but you have a great person to be vulnerable with.
But there are often ulterior motives and they are the main reasons why some people might want to be friends with their exes again. The real narcissistic (and hurtful) reasons people want to be friends with their ex again are:
It goes without saying, friends with benefits is a common thing. I mean, you’ve already slept together, you know what the other person is like and you know the performance you’ll get. Plus why add to your number if you can go back to someone you already had so you can still get some?
If the relationship ended and someone was left blindsided, the person who walked off “just fine” usually comes back around as looking for an ego-boost. And because they know the other wants them back, they go to them for easy attention because they are confident they can get it. It’s a very low move, but potentially leading the other person on in order to enhance their own confidence has been done a few times before.
Sometimes the hardest of heartbreaks result in friendships afterwards only because of the idea that one day something can happen again. Those sparks may not fly romantically but the sparks inside their head might come with ideas to win them back. Just by hanging out doesn’t always mean the feelings will come back, and the other person might not realize that’s their intention, so it can cause a lot more damage than solve any.
I know there are moments of weakness where we just need to feel loved and whole again, and sometimes we go to the people we know we shouldn’t. But try to give yourself enough space from them before you start reaching out again. You are your own full person, not half of a person with them as the other half that you need to survive. You can make new friends, don’t keep going back to your ex for a friendship.
Featured image via WeHeartIt.