Writing this at two in the morning one night after a night out drinking. Just on my phone notes app thing. It all came pouring out because I was so used to coming back, falling into bed, and falling into you – half asleep but still happy that I was back in your arms again. The night I wrote this was the first night you weren’t in my bed when I got back. It was just cold and empty.
I Need You Here
I want you here.
Right now.
And that’s ridiculous
and weak but I think
I might be at the point where
I just don’t care about being the weak one
anymore.
And I’m sorry for that
because it makes you the strong one
all the time and that’s not fair
for you but
I just need you here.
I need you
to be my warm blanket
when I’m freezing.
I need you
to be my pillow
when you steal mine.
I need you
to come back
and sit with me
in my bed
while I do work.
I want back my walking to class buddy
and my hit me up if you need anything
at anytime buddy.
I want the boy
who would do anything
to be near me for a little while longer
instead of the one that avoids
my presence at any given chance.
I want my best friend back in my life.
But not in my life in that way.
Not in a friendship way
because I don’t believe
that we can ever be friends.
I think there will always be too much
there for us to just be friends ever again
and be happy that way.
Being just friends with you
would be like living my life
with you within my reach but
so far from it all at the same time.
I can’t live like that.
I need all of you or none of you
and I know that’s unfair and selfish and
I should be able to just settle for you
simply being in my life but
I don’t believe anyone should have
to settle for only pretend happy.
So I can’t settle for you as just my friend.
I need you to be more.
I need you to be here.
Featured image via Kevin Laminto on Unsplash
