Maybe you know the feeling… When the heart starts to beat a little faster. Sweat runs out of every pore. Breathing, the easiest and most natural thing becomes impossible.The brain swallows three energy drinks of insecurity as it produces horribly negative thoughts in record time.
So you take a second to step away. Maybe hide in the bathroom or excuse yourself to get a hard breath of fresh air. For some unfortunate reason, you ended up here tonight. Your thoughts, still high on the energy of negativity, tell you to go get back into the crowd. Convincing you that it would be embarrassing to be gone too long. Trying to control shaky hands and the uncontrollable urge to run away, you come back to the scene of the party. Unable to speak, move or acknowledge the others, just trying to control those damned shaky hands. Crowds are the loneliest of places. Hiding behind friends some people might call a phone, a drink or sometimes, an actual human, becomes the game of the night. Your human friends are good at starting conversations. However, your mind tends to blank after a simple “Hi, pleased to meet you”, making for an awkward next few hours.
Towards the end, once everyone has either ignored you for too long to notice that you’re still there, the people who started conversations with you get bored and make some lame excuse to leave or the human friends start to disappear; that’s when you know it’s time to go.
Gathering up the inanimate friends is easy because they have been right by your side the whole night. With the half-empty glass bottle in one hand and the phone in the other, you hurriedly thank the host only to rush out of that dark house as fast as your tired soul will carry you.
They will call it the party of the year, or the best night ever. The human friends will talk about it for days and your inanimate friend will light up with notifications about it until the #tbt gets a new photo op. But you were left alone, from beginning to middle to end. Only to realize that you were ignored the whole night because of who you are.
The social anxiety + a painfully shy nature = you, alone and ignored, left shaking in the middle of a crowd.
Feature image via weheartit