I started out my career in writing as a creative writer. I focused specifically on poetry, and I worked hard at bettering my skills in this area through courses and workshops. This was my first poem that I ever got published by another company. I spent a lot of my childhood struggling with illness anxiety and OCD, and I spent many years working with a counselor to overcome my mental health crisis. After years of hard work, I got a lot better, but as a young adult, many of these issues came flowing back to me after witnessing a death during my university homecoming. I suffer from PTSD because of the incident, and I wrote this poem during one of my darkest times:
My Childhood Friend
At the dawn of my days
There was someone advancing.
When I was four they asked me to play,
And ever since our relationship enhancing.
When I was ten they gripped me so tight.
I tried to lose hold, to make them let go,
But they put up a strong and passionate fight
Until I let them have the last blow.
They warped my intelligent mind.
They warped my innocent thoughts.
They warped me until I was confined.
They warped me until I was in knots.
Now I am here, broken and pale,
The thickest of glue can’t keep me together.
Tell me, please, was I meant to fail?
Anxiety will be my best friend forever.
Originally published in Overture, a Canadian Anthology of Canadian Poets by Polar Expressions Publishing.
Although this poem explains a lot of my feelings about what it feels like to live with PTSD, OCD, and illness anxiety, I want everyone to know that I am okay. I have been working with my counselor for a few years again, and I have come a long way. Not only do I spend most days anxiety-free, but I don’t have many of the same fears I lived with after the incident. Again, this poem was written during dark times, but now I am free from most of what used to haunt me.
Featured image via Torsten Dederichs on Unsplash
