Writing out what you’re feeling can be a cathartic experience when you’re hurting. I think that this is the reason why so many people have such emotional conversations through text messaging. It’s easier to sit and think about what you’re feeling, write down the words, and edit them before clicking send. But, what happens to the texts that never get sent? The ones that sit in your drafts? The ones you were too afraid to send because the reply could destroy you? Here are all the texts that myself, and my friends, never sent.
Are you doing okay? Somebody asked me about you today. I lied and said you were fine even though I don’t know if that’s true or not. I hope you’re okay.
Everybody tells me that I should stop talking to you. They tell me that I deserve better and to let go and move on. But they don’t know the love that we have. I know what I deserve but I also know that a love like ours only comes once. I see a future with you, I dream of a future with you. I love you more than anything and anyone. You’re my best friend and lover. These people who tell me to let go don’t know about the nights we’ve spent together. They haven’t read the words or felt the emotion. They don’t know anything about us except for the very little that we have shared. I love you. I want you. I will do anything to ensure that this works even when you’re pushing me away so hard. I know that together we can conquer anything and I refuse to believe that something like this will tear us apart. I love you.
I hate you. I hate you for doing this to me and making me feel like I don’t deserve to be loved. I hate you for all the bad. ALL THE BAD. There was only a little bit of bad but damn that bad was so heartbreaking. I want you, all of you, forever. Will this feeling ever fade? Do you know how to answer these questions? I’ve already deleted this five times.
I know you’re mad at me for not checking in. I know it seems like I don’t care about what’s going on in your life. I know you hate that you can see me post on social media but still haven’t received a text from me saying that I care. I do care. I do know you’re struggling. But I’ve been selfish and only worried about my problems and myself. I know you think I don’t care, but I do.
Do you honestly believe that he is telling the truth? Do you think that he loves you? I don’t. None of us do. Love doesn’t tell you who you should be. Love doesn’t call you names or give you permission. He lies and he takes and takes and takes. You give and give and give. When will you stop letting him take everything from you?
It feels like you’re trying your best to push me away so that you can forget about me. It hurts. It hurts from the moment I wake up to the moment I fall asleep. I don’t know how not to think about you. I can’t control myself from texting you, even though I know I shouldn’t. I crave your attention and your touch. I don’t know how I’m supposed to move on and not love you anymore.
Hey, this really good thing just happened to me and I’m so happy but the first person I wanted to share my happiness with was you. I want to tell you how happy I am and have you say you’re proud of me but we’re not talking right now.
I know you’re only texting me because you saw that I’ve deleted all the pictures of him and I off my Instagram. I know you’re only texting me because you think that maybe you can use my loneliness as a means to get something. You’re only texting me because you’re lonely yourself. I know you’re only texting me because you think that just because I’m newly single I want your attention. I don’t.
I miss you. I wish I knew what you were doing right now. Are you thinking about me? Is there a chance that maybe you miss me too? I wish I could press send but I can’t and it’s killing me to know that you haven’t clicked send either.
He’s cheating on you and everybody knows and I wish I could tell you but I can’t.
How could you be so fucking clueless?
It hurts me to know that I wasn’t worth fighting for. It hurts knowing that I can’t just text you when I want or call you baby. It hurts knowing that tonight I’m not spending the hours before bed snuggled up in your arms talking about anything and everything. I miss how you smell and the way your hands trace my body when we’re in your bed. I miss you and your laugh and the way you run your hands through your hair. I miss you.
I’ve gone to text you about seven times tonight and have deleted every single message I’ve written out. I want my words to make you feel something. I want your reply to be full of love and hearts and romance like they once were a long time ago. But I know it won’t be. I know the romance is over and I won’t get any more hearts. Maybe that’s why I haven’t pressed send. I know your reply is going to be “I’m sorry.” I WANT MY WORDS TO MAKE YOU FEEL SOMETHING. Please. Send me something, anything that tells me that there’s still love there. Give me hope. I love you.
Hey. I’m sorry I didn’t call you back. I wish you would stop texting and calling me. We aren’t friends anymore. I don’t want to be your friend anymore. I still wish you all the best but we will never be the same two people we were back then.
I’m drunk and love you.
So, why didn’t you press send? Were you afraid of what the reply might be? I’ve felt that way. The words that we are too afraid to say will always haunt us. Maybe one of these texts sounds all too familiar to one you’ve never sent. It’s okay. You’ll be okay. Sometimes people don’t need to hear the words that we want to say. Sometimes silence is stronger than any word.
Continue writing your words. Save them. Remember them. You don’t need to press send for them to mean something.
Featured image via weheartit.