What Happened The First Time Life Seemed Better Than Death

Trigger Warning: This article discusses a near-death experience in a car accident scenario that may be difficult for some readers.

I woke up lying on my back, staring at the ceiling of my mom’s 2001 Tahoe. Through the black clouds that blurred my vision I could see a crack in the ceiling. I followed it with my eyes all the way to the edge of the door. As I moved my eyes I felt little pieces of glass fall from my eyelashes. The driver’s window had shattered and fallen onto my body. I heard a man talking to me. I felt him stroking my hair and telling me that everything was going to be okay. The more conscious I became, the harder it was to breathe. Glass shards were stuck in my arm and face. My right arm was frozen in an L-shaped position. When I moved it, unbearable amounts of pain shot up my arm.

You could have died,” said the EMT. The police officer, who was standing off to the side, nodded his head in agreement.  

Later on, as I lied in the hospital bed, going in and out of consciousness, I contemplated my life. I had lived in my hometown my entire life. I grew up in a comfortable home with a good family. My friends were great and I had a stable job. I had just graduated from high school and was planning to attend college in the fall. Nothing too exciting, I was just going through the motions. Although I had lived a good life, it had been a mediocre life.

Death is an inevitable part of life. And when our time comes to pass away, we must accept that. What if I had died in the driver’s seat on the side of the freeway. Would I have been okay with leaving my mediocre life? The answer is no. No, I wouldn’t have been okay with leaving at that moment. Lying in the hospital bed, I realized that I wanted more out of life. I had the first 18 years of my life to graduate and grow. But there is more to living than sluggishly moving along through the motions of life. I want more. I want to make a difference. I want to experience hardships. I want to smile all day long. I want to get my heart broken into a million pieces. I want to laugh so hard that I can’t breathe. I want to become well-educated and achieve more than I can possibly imagine. I want to say what’s on my mind and tell others my opinion. I want to make mistakes. I want to use my fear to generate courage. That way, if something does happen to me, nothing is left unsaid or undone. My life would be full of ups and downs and not a flat line of no excitement. My life would be complete, therefore, I would be complete.

Life is about living for yourself and not for anyone else. Don’t get stuck in an everlasting rut of no change, no progression, and no excitement. Live the life you’ve always wanted. If you are looking for a sign to talk to a certain someone, quit your job, move to another country, or whatever it may be, do it. Don’t wait for a big life event to wake you up. Because life’s too short and it can be taken away from you at any moment.

Featured Image via weheartit.

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