Hatred can be a very scary word when you let it control your life. It leads to changes in mood, relationships and even in your schooling. When hatred leads your life, it controls you.
I’ve spent the past three years of my life hating this one person and for a reason lost in the past. I never really knew why I hated him, I just knew I did and I blamed him for everything bad that happened in my life. Everything from not making a sports team, to arguing with my mother… he was always the reason why.
I had my mind set on the past instead of the future and it took me three very long years to finally make a change- a change I knew would benefit me, but I did not know it would change my life the way it did.
One afternoon I was having a conversation with one of my uncles who asked me why I looked so down and depressed… this is where it all changed. It was just the perfect time, I did not rush it and I did not push myself to speak out, but I felt the need to. So I expressed how I was feeling and what had happened in the past but also how everyone looks at him differently than I did, thankfully it was not long until I came back to reality.
Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies.
You are the only one who feels pain by hating. When you truly dislike or hate someone so much that it starts to control your life, and the way you look at the world, you need to ask yourself one little question: Who is it really hurting? The people you spend your time hating can be out there living a glorious life, never knowing the hate you have for them, and the only person it really affects is YOU.
I came to the conclusion that being angry and hating him was the reason I felt so alone. I turned to hatred when I was sad when I was happy and even when I was jealous. Anything I was feeling somehow got turned back into hatred and I blamed it on him.
I was sick of feeling this way; so I decided to become a bigger person and do what is right. Little did I know how much it would shape me into the person I am today.
I picked up my cell phone and dialed his number, and made the biggest change in my entire life. We met up in a restaurant and talked for hours about the now and the future. Only once did we bring up the past and it was for a few quick seconds before we changed the subject, a few quick seconds that mattered the most. A few quick seconds that I needed to recover.
I felt so relieved, and felt like a whole new person, I was HAPPY, finally HAPPY. It was like a fifty pound weight was lifted up off my chest and I was able to fill that hatred for the thing I love doing; writing. Instead of turning towards that hatred I had, I turned towards doing something that would better me and better my future. Something I enjoy doing.
If any of you are going through a troublesome situation, where you feel lost in the hatred you have for someone, or even if you are unhappy with the way your life is right now, take a chance, step outside your comfort zone and learn to be the bigger person. Let go of the hatred and fill it with the things and people you love.
It truly is the best feeling in the world.
Featured image via the_salty_blonde.