To The Person Who Is There For Everyone Except Themselves

We often forget to take care of ourselves and ask for help. I mean, between Skype sessions, paragraph text messages, and late night phone calls with your friends who need you, it’s hard to find time or validation for your own problems. You’re often referred to as the group psychologist or personal therapist by your squad. And let’s not be modest, your advice is always spot on. You can call out who is just going to be a waste of time, who needs to get their priorities straight, who deserves way more than they are settling for, and who should try activities to deal with stress.

You have a pretty reputable track record for helping your friends out, regardless of the issue. The right words always seem to spill from your mouth, and everyone wonders how you do it. You somehow make time for your friends, balance school work, seem happy regardless of the situation you’re in, and even did a good deed somewhere in your day. Your words bring comfort to those around you, and it makes you feel amazing that you can help others. Your friends don’t think to ask you how you’re doing because they assume you would reach out to them, as they do to you. To them, you have your life together.

But somehow, your words fail you when they are needed for yourself. Your best lines that would work on anyone else seem to be cliché and irrelevant to you. Your friends think that you have your shit figured out because they don’t hear or see otherwise. But your life isn’t as cool, calm, and collected as it seems. Don’t worry, that will be our little secret.

They don’t know how your eyes look like smeared cherries after you have cried so hard into your pillowcase because today was just too difficult for you. They don’t realize that when they message you “sorry to wake you…”, you had yet to fall asleep because you were drowning in your own thoughts. They know that you leave your phone on loud around the clock in case any of them need to talk to you, regardless of what you may doing with your own time. That’s just you, always making sure you’re there for others, except yourself. Absentmindedly, you will put a happy emoticon after some hilarious reply, but you can’t even force a smile onto your face.

I’m here to remind you that you are worth every word that you have told others. Your mental health is just as important as theirs. Sure, they are having a rough patch right now, but so are you. Friendship works both ways. You do not need to put on some facade with your friends. You are in a mutual relationship that entails unconditional love and acceptance. Their hearts would probably ache if they knew half of the pain that you were in. Please give yourself some credit. Your problems are just as valid as theirs.

It is okay to take a break. If you aren’t taking care of yourself, you aren’t able to give them your best advice. Try taking your own advice. I know, I know, you’ve tried that. It is important not to forget to be a friend to yourself. Imagine the pain you feel being expressed by your best friend. It would break your heart to see this pain, so why is your own pain taking a back burner to others? I want you to seriously consider how you could logically explain your pain being any less severe than your friends.

Please, don’t think that you don’t deserve the love you wish for others, you do. You are important. Your feelings have value. You are appreciated and loved.

Feature image via Allegra Messina Photos

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