Can girls and guys be friends without it being complicated? This is the age-old question that still keeps me up at night.
Growing up I always considered myself to be one of the boys. I had a lot of guy friends in high school and the first couple of years in University. Then, I met my boyfriend and the friendships that I had developed with the opposite sex seemed to slowly fizzle out. For a good year or so, I didn’t notice that I had stopped craving another male presence in my life because I was lucky enough to call my boyfriend my best friend. He would give me great advice, be my rock, and not judge me for all the crazy things I do.
The realization that something was off came when I asked my boyfriend if I could go with him to hang out with him and his friends, but he told me that there would be only guys there, and I would be bored. I told him I would be fine because I’m one of the guys, but he smiled at me and told me that I’m not.
As much as I wanted to get offended at that comment I understood how my boyfriend couldn’t consider me as one of the guys. However, his position turned out to be completely different from mine on the whole matter of guy/girl friendships. He didn’t believe in them. My boyfriend said that he didn’t know a single guy who had a girl as a best friend. I didn’t want to believe that but it would not leave my head.
I started to think back to all the friendships that I had with boys, and I started to doubt whether all of them actually considered me a real friend. I’m not the type of girl who plays video games or watches a lot of sports, so I did lose some points in having certain things in common with them. Could it be that they all thought of me as a potential hookup/relationship? Is that why I lost touch with all of them once I got into a relationship myself? I had to admit to myself that there were times when I thought a certain guy friend had a crush on me or I had a crush on one of them. And sadly whenever either of us would act on those feelings, the friendship would be over if the other person didn’t feel the same way. But I just couldn’t believe that gender could be a significant reason not to develop a lifelong friendship.
I definitely miss having guy friends. As an idealist, I still believe that a boy and a girl could be just friends. I always valued my friendships with the opposite sex because it was different from what I had with my girlfriends. I could get the male perspective when I was having problems in the dating field, or have a wingman/matchmaker by my side, as well as get some inside scoop as to what certain guy lingo would mean. Somehow, guys didn’t overanalyze some things and that kept me grounded as well, because, as a notorious drama queen, I needed that. It was just nice to have a different viewpoint on the problems that I was facing.
Without a doubt having a guy friend is awesome. To me, having a friend of the opposite sex is not about being able to eat forty chicken wings in front of him or not shower for days and still go out. To me, having a guy friend is being able to share my thoughts and worries with someone who has a different outlook on life, someone who could help me realize what is going on in my head and help me figure out my next step of action. That is exactly the reason why I feel I need a guy friend in my life right now. So, if anyone ever doubts the fact that a guy and a girl can be friends, they just haven’t found the balance yet, and it’s definitely worth finding.
Featured image via Tumblr.