When they leave you, it isn’t because you’ve done something wrong. It isn’t because you snapped at them that Tuesday evening when everything was falling apart. It isn’t because you were too pushy or bossy or because you wouldn’t watch that episode of Masterchef with them. When they leave you, it’ll be because they are human – fickle and careless with the way love. It’ll be because they once saw the whole world in your eyes but all they see now are pebbled streets and dried up streams. This is not your fault.
When they leave you, it doesn’t mean they’ve forgotten about you. They will still remember how you look when you’re reading a book and the face you make when you take that first sip of coffee in the morning. They will still remember the way you kissed them that one night and how you made them feel like everything was going to be okay. Here’s the thing, they’ll never forget the way your face was composed like folded origami or the hours they spent deciphering the language of your face. They’ll always know what the tightness around your eyes mean and what you’re saying when the muscles in your jaw jumps just that tiny bit.
When they leave you, it doesn’t mean they’ve stopped loving you. They will never stop loving you. They will always love your smile and your eyes and the way your voice gets caught when you’re scared. Three or five or seven years from now, they’ll still love the way your eyes go that shade too dark when you’re fighting the urge not to lose your cool.They will always love the way the two of you worked but they’ll also know that somewhere along the journey, the years wore the both of you thin and no longer do your fingers fit perfectly into the spaces between theirs.
When they leave you, it won’t be because they wanted to or because they decided one morning that they no longer needed you. It was a slow process that started with the little things and ended with an exploding kaleidoscope of liberated emotions that made them realize; you’re not what they want anymore. When this happens, you must remember that love is a two-way street and that your love alone is not enough for the both of you.
When they leave you, you will want to seek love in a stranger’s mouth and comfort in the recorded message of their voicemail that promises they’ll get back to you one day. You must remember that destroying yourself will not stop the things that are in motion. Yeats said ‘Things fall apart. The center cannot hold.’, he was not thinking about you when he wrote this. You have what it takes to come out of this battle stronger than when you first went in. And when they leave you, you must remember to keep this in mind.
When they leave you, you will have to shape together the jagged pieces of the things that made the two of you. They will help you to do this. They will cut themselves on the edges of what the two of you once were and they will cry. When it’s all said and done, they will say their goodbyes and they will steal away some shards to remember you by. Before they leave, you must tell them ‘thank you for loving me’ and ‘please leave the door open on your way out’. You must let them know that everyone deserves their piece of heaven and you understand now that you’re not theirs.
When they leave you, remember it’s not your fault.
Remember to pick yourself up and to move on because them leaving means that you’re half a step closer to meeting the person that sees not the world in your eyes but the galaxy instead.
Featured image via Yaroslav Shuraev on Pexels
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I’m eight months separated and one and a half months from the finalization of our divorce after 31 years married, 32 together. All I want to do is heal , let go, and come to a place of peace with what was, so I can embrace with wonder, what lies ahead and create joy in my new life. I’ve made choices to put up boundaries, focus on my own healing and growth, to treat my soon to be ex like a human being with dignity, knowing he is still the father of our kids and Papa to our grandbabies. I chose to empower myself by realizing that I have control over how I respond to him leaving me and how I’m going to handle rejection and betrayal. I realized I can cultivate an atmosphere in which future relationship for our now broken family, can hopefully have some kind of reconciliation, even though our relationship has come to an end. I used good self-care and put myself in counseling. But at this point, even though he has moved on with his mistress, I want nothing to do with another relationship AT ALL. I’m not ready for that and am not sure I ever will be. I can’t imagine my life with any other man, then the one I married 31 years ago. I’m just not there. Letting go and accepting what is and making peace with the past 32 years of my life with him, is contributing to my healing, despite how painful this has been and is.