Is it socially acceptable to call out of work today because you’re legit exhausted from all the drama that went down in last night’s episode? Eh, f*ck it, whatever.
It’s the 6th week of The Bachelor and maybe – just maybe – Chris Harrison was right about this being the “most dramatic episode ever”. This episode seemed to have an elimination every half hour, because these b*tches were dropping like flies. The group goes to the Bahamas this week, and they clearly didn’t bother to check the weather beforehand, because a storm’s a-brewin’.
Last week ended on a sour note with Olivia, Ben had just asked if he could talk to her and then *BAM*, we get the “To be continued…” bullsh*t. This week, however, a new backstabbing b*tch emerged and everything about this episode was just awkward… What better way to do a recap on last night’s episode, than to discuss the 4 times these crazy b*tches hit a new level of psycho? Let’s begin.
1. Olivia makes it through the first rose ceremony and the girls are out for blood.
While the other girls thought Ben would have the balls to rip that rose from Olivia’s hands, Olivia naturally did what she does best, she talked about herself. She’s like that one character in any action movie who never f*cking dies…
She claimed that everyone else in the house is intimidated by her because she’s confident. Right…because having a breakdown after you shimmied on a stage since you have no real talent is being “confident”. Get over yourself you stupid child.
2. One-on-One with Caila…again.
This is the turning point for our new villain, Leah. By this episode, all the remaining girls had either a one-on-one with Ben, or in Olivia’s case, a significant amount of alone time – except Leah. (This is where shit starts getting real with this b*tch.) The date card arrives and we all expected it would be going to Leah – but cue plot twist, because it went to Caila, again. (Who happened to get the very first one-on-one date with him if you don’t remember.)
Leah gets super emotional and upset, she’s confused as why Ben was even keeping her around if he chose Caila to go out with a second time before she had even gotten a chance – but as he explained it, he had some “unfinished business” with Caila. Whatever the f*ck that means.
They go deep-sea fishing – because kissing a dead fish just screams romance, right? – and after they sit down for the evening part of their date, and this is where shit gets weird real quick.
Ben asked Caila if there was any depth behind her bubbliness, cause she’s always smiling, because he’s “looking for someone to cry with”. Because real men cry. And then he talked about layers again – Ben loves layers. Like an onion. Quick question: WHAT THE ACTUAL F*CK IS UP WITH THIS SHOW AND ONIONS?!
Then this chick responds in the most confusing ass-backwards way combined with a series of very long pauses: “For me, right now, I feel like I love you…………………………but, I don’t know why I can’t………share. Maybe it’s just that I’m not ready,” and here’s the real kicker: “I feel like my greatest fear is that I can’t totally completely fall in love with somebody. And part of me is afraid because your greatest fear is being unlovable, and my greatest fear might be breaking your heart. It doesn’t feel right. It feels like I’m going to hurt you.” Because that’s what you want to hear from your potential future wife.
“I know that I’m falling in love because I feel like I’m being understood. I want to feel understood. And I feel like I understand you in a deeper way. Just in who you are as a person. I feel like you want other people to be loved. And that resonates with me, and that’s what I’m looking for in life. I feel like I want you in my life and I feel happy.” Confused? Yeah, you, me, and Ben all are. Seriously though, did this b*tch just read a bunch of bad Pinterest quotes or something? She managed to squeeze 10 variations of “I feel” in there by the way.
Ben ends up giving this confusing broad a rose anyway, because he “feels” like he’s finally getting to know the real her and if anything, he finds her even more attractive because she’s confusing. Yeah, I don’t know. Not even going to try to make sense of that one.
3. A group date turned awkward and goes oh-so wrong, oh-so quick.
The group date card ends up going to Lauren B., Becca, Amanda, JoJo, Lauren H., and Leah (b*tch). Which means Olivia (b*tch) and Emily would be on the two-on-one, but we’ll discuss that in a bit.
Leah, although had questioned whether she should even go on the group date or not, decided she needed answers from Benny boo. The group made their way to the famous island that an adorable family of swimming pigs calls home. BRB, packing my things to move there…immediately.
This may have been the best Bachelor scene, ever. From the squealing pigs, to the squealing girls, to Becca swinging a chicken hotdog in the air like male genitals…this shit was funny as hell. But according to Ben this group date “was so fun”. Yeah, real fun…6 of your girlfriends sound like they are being slaughtered, but hey, whatever you need to tell yourself to make you feel better about things.
Once the excitement dies down, things got awkward super quick because there wasn’t really a private place on this island to get alone time with Ben without everyone seeing. This is when all the women started to feel that he was “obsessing over Lauren B. the whole time.”
Even Ben said he felt awkward and uncomfortable, and things got worse when Leah started crying about not getting the one-on-one date. Ben didn’t really give her the validation she was looking for but told her to “make the most of the day.”
Later in the evening, the awkwardness just got worse as the night went on. Leah, sensing that Lauren B. felt confident, decided to sabotage their relationship to up her chances of staying another week. She took Ben aside and threw Lauren B. under the bus by saying the person Ben had the “strongest connection with was actually a very different person” when she wasn’t around Ben and Leah mentioned she didn’t think they were right for each other.
Of course, Lauren B. would walk in and interrupt their conversation at that very moment and Ben brings it up to Lauren B. She’s obviously taken aback and unsure how to respond. Lauren B then returned to the rest of the group, and broke down in tears. The tension grew thicker when Leah immediately began defensive saying she “hadn’t named names” during her conversation with Ben. You sit on a throne of lies little girl.
When they all returned to their hotel room, Leah snuck off to Ben’s hotel room to try to make sure he believed her about Lauren B. “I don’t want to sit here and talk bad things about Lauren, but we see a lot more in the house than you do. There are situations with Lauren that come across like she doesn’t care as much as she seems to show you that she cares. You know, she’ll be like: ‘Oh, if Amanda ends up with Ben, then that’s great.’ It’s like, how she comes across doesn’t seem genuine. Just some of the things she does are catty.” All you f*cking did was talk shit on Lauren B., you pathetic little hypocrite.
Well, having known the talk shit, get hit curse that is very much real on this show, Leah’s plan backfired and Ben sent her packing right then and there. Ben’s door and karma hit her ass on the way out.
4. Two-on-One with Olivia and Emily.
The morning of the two-on-one date with Ben, Olivia was convinced she had it in the bag, and was a little too giddy, while poor Emily was terrified.
They all jumped onto a speedboat, which gave us a few good laughs watching them get whipped in the face with their hair repeatedly, and eventually pulled up to a small little island.
Ben took Olivia away first, and they discussed what happened at the last ceremony. “I’m more of an introvert. I’m very grounded. I’m very in tune with my body. I’m really strong, I’m really confident. I like news and politics and religion, deep intellectual things are just my jam. From the moment I met you I knew that it was right and I’m like, I’m in love with you.”
Ben: *blank stare*
Then Ben had alone time with Emily, which was actually pretty cute. With both women on the beach, Ben picked up the rose and asked to speak to Olivia. At this point, Emily was convinced she was going home, but another plot twist occurs because Ben ended up telling Olivia he didn’t feel the same way about her sent her home.
Seeing Olivia’s reaction and the realization slowly registered that she wouldn’t be getting the rose was beyond incredible.
Ben then walked over to Emily, who looked like she just won the lottery, gave her the rose and they then hopped back on the speedboat, leaving behind Olivia who was just sobbing on the island. I kid you not, it felt like Cast Away II in the making. Kudos to ABC for making the dumb b*tch stand there crying for a solid 10 minutes sobbing, alone…on a [now] deserted island…in the middle of a hurricane, right after being dumped on national television.
The night ended with the rose ceremony, per usual, only to receive a shocking blow announced by the one and only Chris Harrison. He informed the girls that Ben decided to cancel the cocktail party and that he wanted to go straight to the rose ceremony. He explained that with all the drama during the week, he didn’t feel it was “appropriate to add a cocktail party to it.” You go Ben Coco.
Becca, JoJo, Lauren B., Amanda, Emily, and Caila all are safe for another week. It feels so good never having to type Olivia’s name after this recap, by the way.
Don’t worry Bachelor Nation, the drama isn’t over yet. The previews seem to promise plenty more drama the rest of the season. So, no, they didn’t use up all the drama on this one episode. Props to Becca for realizing that “the weather has predicted this week.” But, let me leave you with this, if you decide to be a backstabbing b*tch like Leah, at least own it. Own every goddamn part of it, that means don’t deny it when you’re confronted about it. Those are the worst kinds of people in this world. And realize that karma will always win in the end. Or you’ll end up with a black eye, either way you’ll get hit with something.
Check back next week for the recap of the next episode! The Bachelor airs Monday (8 p.m. ET) on ABC.
Featured Image via screengrab from The Bachelor.