Curly fries are flat-out delicious. Eating curly fries when you’re drunk, however, is like hearing “Love Me Like You Do” for the first time. Why do late-night runs to fast food joints always seem like the best idea when we’re under the influence? The power of drunchies is something that I will never understand, but it’s a power that is all-consuming. Take Taco Bell for instance; it’s good, but at 2 AM on a Saturday night after a sloppy night at the club, it’s like a 5-star dining experience staring into your soul.
It’s 1:30 AM, you just finished your drink and the bartenders scream “last call”. You look over at your friends and only one sentence is exchanged.
“Let’s get food.”
Those three words may be the best thing you’ve ever heard or they may be the worst when you wake up the next morning with a rock-hard pizza baby.
You told yourself last weekend that you wouldn’t come home and eat a whole box of bagel bites or kill two crunchwrap supremes. We’ve all been there. And yet here you are, laying in bed next to your best friend and all you can say is “WHY”. Here are some reasons why we love, and love to hate, drunk eating so very much:
Love: Things taste so amazing when you’re drunk
Why the hell does the nacho cheese and mild sauce from Taco Bell make my mouth water? Do I hate myself the next day after I spent the whole night stuffing my face with the perfectly buttered garlic and parmesan cheese Domino’s pizza crust? Sure. Can I taste anything with this hangover anyway? No. So there’s my silver lining.
Hate: You never know what you want to indulge in
We’ve all been there. That moment when you’re sitting in an Uber with your friends and you’re frantically trying to decide where you should go for food. I’m sorry, but deciding between Domino’s, Taco Bell, or Jack in the Box? Are you serious?! That’s like asking me what shot I want to take. There’s never a for sure answer. This is like the scene with Noah and Allie from the Notebook and the poor Uber driver is just patiently watching and waiting.
Love: The life saver before you head home with Mr. Hottie
You’ve had a long night, you’ve lost your friends somehow, but you’ve met a really hot boy who wants you to go home with him. You think to yourself, “oh god, I’m too drunk! How on earth am I going to survive this night?” This is when drunk eating is your best friend. That burrito that will not make a mess everywhere and will help you sober up before your night ahead. #blessed
Hate: Checking your bank account the next morning:
There is nothing more frustrating than seeing that you spent $20 on a pizza and cinna bread that you did not need to finish, let alone eat in the first place. Student combo special at 2 AM? Sure, why not? Oh, ranch and extra frosting are extra? Just charge it! Whatever, at least it was good.
Love: Drunk eating with a best friend
Honestly, if I could make any person my best friend, it would be Honey Boo Boo. I feel like she would be the type of friend who would go out with me, stay in with me, or indulge in drunchies with me without any shame. I mean, she loves chicken nuggets, embraces her chunk and struts her stuff in pageants. What more could you ask for in a BFF? Overall, a best friend will always be there when you head out together and will give you a bite of their cheesy gordita crunch when the drunchies finally kick in. Thank you, friend!
Sure, we all have our mixed feelings when it comes to drunk eating, but let’s be real, it’s more of a love than a hate. Pizza and Ben & Jerry’s in bed? So much LOVE. Even though you might not be proud of your drunken eating escapades the next morning, just remember…most memories aren’t created over eating salads and staying in.
Featured Image via Chrissy Teigen.