I can only deal with emotions if there’s wine involved…sometimes. Even then, the ideas of having feelings (ew) and talking about those feelings (major ew) are almost too much to handle. If you’re as emotionally unavailable as I am, these 8 inescapable situations will come as no surprise:
1. There are days when you enjoy those cute love songs on the radio, but when your favorite station becomes an Ed Sheeran celebration, you can’t seem to keep your sh*t together.
2. Most couples can be cute, but there is nothing worse than being stuck on public transportation next to those couples who thoroughly enjoy PDA. Worst nightmare.
3. People try to tell you about their relationship problems while you’re at a bar and then get upset when you have zero advice for them. Just shut up and drink! After all, isn’t that what you’re here for?
4. Dating feels like that one overwhelming chore that you are forever avoiding. #byefelicia.
5. Why deal with relationship drama and emotional distress when you can eat leftover food all by yourself? Noodles won’t hurt your feelings.
6. You have no idea how to comfort your friend when she starts bawling about her boyfriend…so you’re just awkwardly there for her.
7. Trying to be cute yet polite while on a date is the HARDEST thing to accomplish. You can’t expect me to give up eating dessert after you offer it!
8. When someone confesses their feelings for you, you LITERALLY cannot comprehend their emotions and don’t know what to say back. Great? Thanks? I love me too?
Maybe we’ll let our feelings out one day, but I wouldn’t hold my breath.