Why I Expect Every Guy I Date To Cheat On Me

It took 23 years of my existence for me to finally give up on all humanity. The reason that pushed me over the edge? Cheating. Why the actual f*ck do people do it? I know we all have different definitions of it and it’s all based on technicalities – which is total bullshit if you ask me. Personally, I think if you have to hide what you’re doing and wouldn’t willingly tell your significant other about it (before they found out), you just cheated.

You should probably just stay single, for like, ever.

Just so you get where I’m coming from – and stop thinking that I’m being cynical – and can understand my point of view a little better, let me take you on a very disappointing trip down memory lane.

*Names have been changed.

Story #1: James

Things go well during our first date and he asks to see me again, I decide why the hell not and we started officially dating shortly after. He was in the Navy and stationed down South while I was back at home up North. Two and a half years later we got engaged and we started looking for apartments together. He was notified he was going to be stationed in upstate New York and we talked about moving in together. He needed me to go into his email to find a document someone sent him, but little did he know he forgot to delete his OK Cupid emails. Curiosity obviously got the best of me so I had to investigate. 27 messages later and I found out my fiancée was meeting up with women in New York less than 10 miles from our apartment. He brought at least four girls back to OUR apartment to do I think we know what. He was sending messages saying “I just got out of a relationship that was over before it even began.” or, “She was so abusive and it really messed me up, I just need to talk to someone about it, could you come over?” Obviously I confronted him about it and what did he do? Denied the whole damn thing, saying his friends put him up to it, and he was just trying to meet some friends up there. Got it. You keep doing you, f*cker.

Story #2: Michael

Michael and I were “dating” for about 9 months. I say dating loosely because to me it was a relationship…to him, not so much (which naturally, I had no idea about). The entire time we were together though things were pretty damn amazing if you ask me. No fights, no jealousy, and I had his complete attention, or so I thought. I went away to Las Vegas for my 21st birthday and when I came back and asked to see him, he was acting weird and I knew something was up. So a week goes by since I’ve been home and I still haven’t seen him yet…then I get that awful text message no girl EVER wants to get – “We need to talk.” Perfect. “I met someone else, and I really think I should pursue things with her. You’ve been great though…” he says. So after some explicit words were sent on my end to him, we were officially over. After some embarrassingly intense grieving on my part I wanted to know what the bitch who took him from me looked like. It’s pretty amazing how quickly social media can turn into the perfect evidence for your investigation. *Drum roll please* Roughly 8 minutes or so later I found the home wrecker, and lo and behold that ‘someone else’ he met happened to be his EX-GIRLFRIEND who he left a week before he met me. COOL.

Story #3: Joseph

Joseph and I dated for about 7 months. Things were amazing between us, the honeymoon phase seemed to linger even after the 3 month mark. It wasn’t until later on into our relationship when things started going south for us, whenever he would get drunk off his ass, his ex-flings or ex-girlfriends ALWAYS showed up in his phone. First time, I got pissed off but he promised it wouldn’t happen again. I trust him. Second time, there were a few inappropriate pictures, so I made him block the wannabe strippers and demanded he stopped drinking. He said he would do anything to make me happy. Third time, he messaged 13 girls, all who were previously blocked and deleted from his phone, saying things like “I’m trying to switch things up, you should come over,” or my all time favorite, “I’m a single man for the night, my girlfriend wanted a break to sleep with other guys.” LOL. Just no.

Because I can unfortunately say that with every single relationship I’ve ever been in, I’ve always been cheated on somehow – whether it’s physically or emotionally. I’ve never been fully committed to and to me that’s heartbreaking. It’s even more heartbreaking to say, with a fake ass smile on my face, that I’m used to it. So who do I blame? Do I blame myself, my significant other, people who don’t care about ruining relationships and being home wreckers, or do I blame social media?

Or is monogamy just unnatural for human beings. If that’s the case, can we honestly even blame anyone?

When I was growing up, no one told me how unrealistic it is to maintain a healthy relationship. But now if I get into a relationship, I almost expect to be cheated on somehow. How pathetic is that? I can never fully trust what a handsome face is saying to me, because I’m convinced he’s telling someone else the same thing. You may be sitting there saying “Melissa, not everyone cheats,” or, “There are some good guys out there Melissa, we’re not all cheaters.” Well you may be right, but to me men are just a bunch of sex driven mammals that’ll hump anything that will reply back to them on Facebook or like their picture on Instagram. It’s honestly disgusting and it makes me hate this world we live in and the relationships I’ve been in.

So from now on, I will always perk up to see the name of whoever just texted or called you. I will always sneak through your phone when you’re in the shower or sleeping. I will always call you every so often when you’re out without me. I will always ask you if you did anything when you come home after a night out with the guys. If you decide to get mad about all these things, then I’ll suspect you’re hiding something.

Even after the disappointments I’ve had in my relationships I can safely say I could never bring myself to cheat, on anyone, no matter how bad the relationship gets. Maybe I just refuse to see the bad in people, or maybe I just have such high hopes in the beginning of relationships.

One thing I do know for sure though, if we date…I expect you to cheat on me.

Featured Image via We Heart It.

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13 COMMENTS

  1. The fact that your saying the entire male gender consists of only cheaters and “sex driven mammals that’ll hump anything” after 3 guys, then that’s just stupid and unrealistic claim.

    Everyone gets cheated on, sometimes in succession. Shut up, get over your self pity and move on.

    Coming from someone who has been cheated on multiple times

    • Well hello to you too.

      I’m sorry you didn’t enjoy my piece as much as I did. For the record…yes, this included only 3 guys, but I assure you there were more than that. They were just the main ones in my opinion. The fact that you stated “Everyone gets cheated on, sometimes in succession.” proves that something needs to change because we’re ruining the foundation of relationships and destroying any chance we have at maintaining a happy and healthy one.

      Also, I have moved on. Thanks for your concern though. 🙂

  2. Have to agree on this. I’m rather old fashioned and I cannot tolerate cheating even when it’s all around us. I also git cheated after 9 years of marriage and lying was worst part to me. Anyway I still want to believe in good and thanks for this post. Showing that I’m not all alone here 🙂

    • Janne,

      I’m so sorry you had to go through that! <3 And I promise you're not alone.

      Best of luck!
      Melissa

  3. Hi Melissa,

    Just a question as a clarifier; so you have or haven’t ever cheated on anyone before?

    Also it appears that within your article you’re talking out of both sides of your mouth by expressing two entirely different sentiments when you state “it took 23 years of my existence for me to finally give up on all humanity” and then state “maybe I just refuse to see the bad in people”.

    You realize these are opposing viewpoints, quite literally in everyway unable to exist but in complete and opposite polarity and opposition to each other.

    I say this (and the things I’ve pointed out above) not to be flippant or snide or even smarmy and completely without malice; but simply to ask the question, have you ever considered the fact that you are young and gullible (and possibly naive) when it comes to judging the character of other people and simple chose to date people who were, to put it quite bluntly, just dicks, and not ready to be in a committed relationship?

    Not that it’s so much a personal shortcoming or that you set out to purpousely date people who are “cheaters” but (and this is still a question even though it’s being written in a statement format) just simply you are not experienced enough in life to have gotten to the point where you have more successes than failures in the dating department of life.

    Things in life I don’t believe are as black and white as this piece paints them to be.

    I would very much like to hear your opinion and response to these two points.

  4. Hi Orphan Moth (?),

    Okay, let’s do this in order.

    1. so you have or haven’t ever cheated on anyone before?
    – No I have never cheated on anyone. I’ve never physically cheated (the thought of it makes me sick). And I’ve never texted another guy and deleted it or hid it from my significant other. I’ve never even gone on several dates with guys at the same time. If I’m talking to you or simply just dating you, I’m 100% focused on you and only you.

    2. “it took 23 years of my existence for me to finally give up on all humanity” and then state “maybe I just refuse to see the bad in people”. You realize these are opposing viewpoints, quite literally in every way unable to exist but in complete and opposite polarity and opposition to each other.
    – Yes, I understand these are opposing viewpoints, but if you knew me it would make sense. I gave up on all humanity because of the constant disappointments I’ve been able to call relationships. But what you don’t know is each one of these stories (and even the ones I didn’t tell) things just didn’t end right then and there, far too often I would find myself wanting to give them a second, third, or sometimes even a seventh chance. I wanted to believe that someone couldn’t be this cruel. Yes, maybe it was naive of me to give the wrong people so many chances, but isn’t that what builds character? I would rather be that person who is so open to love and forgiveness than someone who kicks people to the curb after they f*ck up once or twice. If that were the case I wouldn’t have anyone in my life. People make mistakes, hell I’ve made tons, but I would hope if I ever hurt someone so bad (not by cheating but in other ways) that I would be lucky enough to get another chance.

    3. have you ever considered the fact that you are young and gullible (and possibly naive) when it comes to judging the character of other people and simple chose to date people who were, to put it quite bluntly, just dicks, and not ready to be in a committed relationship?
    – I’ll admit when I was younger I was SUPER naive hence why I was always taken advantage of and cheated on in relationships, but now not so much, I’ve dealt with enough bullsh*t in my life that I know people aren’t as decent as I would like think. And I’m actually a great judge of character. I know these people I date can be assholes, but I also know that’s not who they truly are. For example, my current boyfriend now, I know he would never purposely hurt me, he comes off as a super tough guy but I’ve seen sides of him his own family probably hasn’t seen before. It took a while for us to get to this point, for him to understand he can trust me, but it was so worth it. Granted he was in a serious motorcycle accident which he’s lucky he was able to walk away from, but if I didn’t give him a second chance, I wouldn’t have been able to be there for him during his recovery. I wouldn’t have been able to show him that I will always be there for him whenever he needs me. And he wouldn’t have tied a straw wrapper around my finger and asked me to marry him all while in the ICU – a memory that we’ll pass onto our kids someday when the time comes. Sometimes we need to give people so many chances before they see that you’re not going anywhere. My boyfriend knows what he has with me and he knows that I didn’t deserve a lot of the stuff he put me through, he knows what he would lose if I ever walked away…but I also know that after all the chances I’ve given him, we’ve never been happier.

    4. Not that it’s so much a personal shortcoming or that you set out to purposely date people who are “cheaters” but (and this is still a question even though it’s being written in a statement format) just simply you are not experienced enough in life to have gotten to the point where you have more successes than failures in the dating department of life.
    – I think I’m more experienced in my life than most people my age, even if I have had more failures than I have successes. I’ve learned something about people, and especially myself each and every time I was cheated on, lied to, manipulated, abused, etc. I know my limits now and when I’ll give you a third chance to redeem yourself and when I won’t. Out of all of my relationships, the current one I’m in now has been worth every single failure, every lie, every time I’ve caught an ex cheating, every heartbreak…I’ve still given up on humanity (Gen-Y ruined the concept and foundation of dating for everyone) but only one relationship matters to me, and I’m looking forward to defying all the odds that are against us with my boyfriend now. I’m pretty damn happy where I’m at in life. 🙂

    Thank you so much for your comment Orphan Moth!

    Best,
    Melissa

  5. That kinda the same boat I’m in but with women. First was a teacher who already had a fwb 15 yrs younger. Then right after that someone long distance who I found out was talking to others on topmofnher ex. Shame ppl can’t be upfront and faithful these days. Social media is just the tool. These people have little integrity and want sympathy and attention for the excuse of being broken. It’s bullshit. If we are alive there is always a chance for a fresh start. I’m a guy by the way. Lol. For the four months also with the long distance thing I never stayed or went out looking and when got a random text is say I am out of the dating scene. Ended up cancelling the ticket. Shame.

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