I met my best friend when I was 10 years old. Throughout elementary school, we became inseparable. We were in the same classes every year and we were together just about every weekend. There was nowhere you’d find me that she wasn’t there. Together, we looked forward to high school. We’d get prettier (we hoped), we’d meet more people (not that it mattered as long as we had each other), and maybe finally someone would want to date us.
But I decided to go to a different high school. We were both sad but she understood. On our 8th grade graduation night, we were lined up according to last name and just so happened to be walk-out partners.
When the ceremony ended, we didn’t just walk out side by side, we linked arms and cried our little hearts out because we knew things were about to change.
And change they did. We became busy with our school work and new friends. However, after school as well as every single weekend, we were reunited. We’d talk so much that it didn’t really seem like we even went to different schools. We approved (or disapproved) of each other’s boyfriends, we got to know each other’s friends, and we remained practically family. I honestly thought there was no chance of us ever not being best friends.
High school ended, we graduated and enrolled in college in nearby cities. That summer we were closer than ever and so excited about what the future held. But that changed when I moved away. I didn’t know all her friends, she didn’t know mine. I rarely knew what she was up to on a Friday night when normally, we would’ve been together.
Then, I decided to take a job away from home. When I did see her, I noticed changes in her. She was less open about her life and seemed to care less about mine. The conversations felt like more of a chore than a natural process.
Soon, I discovered she had developed a drug problem, and I’m mad at myself for not being around to stop it before it started.
When I got engaged, I shared the news with her excitedly, but she didn’t seem to care. How could she have? She wasn’t my best friend anymore. Knowing what I knew, I didn’t ask her to be in my wedding. I didn’t think it was something she could handle and we simply weren’t that close anymore. We’d spent over 9 years dreaming about and planning our weddings. She didn’t even attend mine.
My best friend should know how much I love her. But I am mad at her. I am so mad at her for not talking to me when things got bad. For not knowing that even though I was far away and even though my life was changing, I still cared more than anyone in this world. When we were young, it was her and I against everything and everyone. It always should’ve been that way.
I can’t change what happened. I know she probably doesn’t even realize how often I think of her and our friendship. But so much has happened and so much is different. Time has passed and we’re in different places. What’s done is done and that’s OK. But if you’re reading this, just know I miss you and I love you. You will ALWAYS be my best friend.
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