12 Heinous Things Every True College Student Has Done

College: a word furiously welcoming imagery of empty glass bottles, shower tiles bordered with fresh fungus and frazzled freshmen finishing frustrating final papers. Ah, the undergraduate experience. When you think of college, you may think of Zac Efron and his frat boys shirtlessly parading around campus. Or, you may think of Elle Woods gracefully maneuvering her way through her Harvard Law classes.

Whether you’re a recent college grad or started at your dream school this fall, every college student knows that the way the media portrays college isn’t always the way it actually is. A true college student knows that it’s not parties, lollipops and rainbows all the time (especially not around exams). There are struggles, and they come in bulk, much like the cheap food that fills our cupboards on a good day. But the college experience is unforgettable in all its cringe-worthy glory, and I know I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Here are 12 things that you may never want to own up to, but that every true college student will identify with by the time graduation finally rolls around:

  1. You have stolen toilet paper from a public washroom so you didn’t have to buy more.

Because that sh*t’s expensive (excuse the pun) and it’s just out there for the taking.

  1. You have been “fine with water.”

Don’t lie. You wanted that iced tea last time you were out for dinner. You wanted that piña colada even more. But let’s be real, you could buy a whole case of Nestea for the cost of that one glass, and the guilt would eat you up inside. H2O it is. Always.

  1. You have re-worn dirty clothes.

We’re just trying to save the environment, okay? Bonus points for reusing dirty underwear.

  1. You have fallen asleep in your makeup after a night out.

Sometimes there’s just not enough time to hop in the shower before your alcohol-induced slumber kicks in. Raccoon eyes and newly spotted skin epitomize Saturday morning mirrored images.

  1. You have found chase in a hopeless place.

There’s only so much pop and juice to go around, and that vodka is just not going to drown itself. Every true college kid knows that when the going gets tough, the tough use questionable substances as chase. Lukewarm tea? Applesauce? Maple syrup? Sure, why not.

  1. You have set an alarm for a time ending in “PM”.

College is when you realize how ridiculous you were for refusing to take naps back when you were a toddler. There is literally nothing in this world more refreshing than a pre-class, pre-work or pre-pre-party nap. Sometimes they take place when the sun is still shining and high school is still in session, and there is nothing wrong with that.

  1. You have fallen asleep at the library.

Speaking of snoozing, thinking uses a lot of energy, and sometimes you need a little mid-chapter power-pause. A textbook can become the plushest pillow you’ve ever had the privilege of resting your head upon if you really put your mind to it.

  1. You have done something solely “for the stories”.

The game “Odds Are” had to have been created by a college student. Bragging rights are debatably the most satisfying form of compensation.

  1. You have not taken a class because it was only available in the morning.

I have no idea how I got up so early to go to high school. Honestly, not a clue. 1pm is the new 8:30am.

  1. You have consumed more than 4 cups of coffee in a day.

You know you’re in college when espresso bleeds out of your fresh paper cuts (that you got from your cup sleeve, of course). Some days you may identify more with Lorelai Gilmore than your own mother, but you can assure her it’s just the caffeine talking. Next stop: soccer mom status.

  1. You have learned an entire semester’s worth of info the week before the exam.

And every single time, without fail, you wonder why you didn’t just do all the readings earlier.

  1. You have submitted an online assignment at the absolute last minute.

Yes, some may say that it’s productive to work under pressure, but an 11:59pm submission time? What did your nerves ever do to you?

Whether you identify with one or all of these college classics, own up to your madness and live and learn. You only get one undergrad experience, and you might as well make the most of it. So, take your library nap, consume copious cups of coffee and re-wear that dirty underwear. No one’s judging, friend, we’ve all been there too.

Featured image via Tumblr.

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3 COMMENTS

  1. Methinks the author does not fully understand what “heinous” means. Maybe those late night study sessions didn’t go as well as you’d hoped.

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