It’s Not You, It’s Her: Why Women Don’t Know What They Want

I often get asked by my male friends – what the heck do girls actually want? They say: if we give them attention, they call us clingy; if we play hard to get, they call us game-players; if we move forward, they pull back. What happened to girls wanting the nice guy?

And then suddenly I realized, in a moment of complete clarity, that us girls make it really difficult for the guys. I’m not saying that guys make it easy either, but I think I speak on behalf of the female population when I say we know and accept that we are difficult. We cry a lot, sometimes for no apparent reason, we crave reassurance and then bat compliments away. We blame boys for playing games and being a-holes, but then we push them away when they are nice. Maybe we just don’t know what it is that we want.

Having grown up with Cinderella and Snow White as our main gals, it was always all about Prince Charmings, fluffy ponies and happily ever afters. In our heads, we pictured flowers and roses, but unless it’s the right time, even those things can’t sweep us off our feet. Truth is, life isn’t like a fairy tale. Although Rapunzel may have spent every waking hour locked in a tower WAITING for her Prince Charming, us ladies of the 21st century aren’t waiting around for anybody.

So boys, here are five bulletproof ways to pick up on the fact that the girl you’re talking to isn’t trying to play games – she simply has no idea what she wants.

  1. She misinterprets your romantic gestures: Sure, sending a girl flowers is one of the most traditional romantic gestures you could offer – she’s seen it in the movies, she’s dreamt about it as a child, but when they turn up at her door… her initial reaction? She calls all her friends to discuss the matter. While they’re all like “OMG, that is so cute,” (the advice she’d be giving if the shoe was on the other foot – see point 4) all she can think is “he’s clingy,” and “this is too early,” “how can I escape,” and  “I NEED to escape.” Which leads us on to point two…
  2. She immediately wants to run away because you’re “too nice: She doesn’t really want to escape, she’s just scared to commit, because you’re THAT nice and she isn’t used to it. It doesn’t make much sense, does it? See, sadly, most girls have encountered more players than princes, so don’t bombard her with grand gestures when the most she’s used to is a guy splitting the bill instead of paying for it. If you are a romantic-gesture-kind-of-guy, introduce them slowly so she knows you’re not just trying to buy her affection or guilt trip her into being with you. It needs to be her own decision, without the pretty presents and big bouquets clouding her judgement.
  3. She’s protective of her time and space: Girls are pretty independent these days and they enjoy their own space. Going from being in control of your own time without having to ‘check-in’ with anyone else to being bombarded with the “what are you doing”, “where are you” and “when can I see you” messages is pretty terrifying. When she’s ready to surrender some of her precious time to you, you’ll know she’s definitely into you.
  4. She’s not taking the advice she’d usually offer: Let’s revert back to the flower scenario. If a guy sends flowers to her best friend, no doubt she’d be super excited for her friend because isn’t that the most adorable thing EVER. She’ll tell her best friend “he’s totally a keeper.” But, when she’s the one receiving the flowers, it’s a whole different ball game. If she isn’t taking the advice she’d normally dish out to her friends, then she’s making excuses for why she isn’t that into you.
  5. She’s overthinking it: Girls? Over thinking? Never! Yup, boys – you should realize that every text you send, number of kissy face emojis you include or even the duration between the texts are CLEARLY all tell-all signs of how much you like her. Trust me she’s freaking out about ALL of the above, so don’t give her any unnecessary reason to worry – a little bit of reassurance and clarity can work wonders. If all three of your Snapchat best friends are girls (total player) she’s definitely thinking now is the best time to run before she gets hurt.

Contrary to what you might be thinking though as I sit here insulting half of the male population for being too nice, it doesn’t mean being the nice guy won’t ever get you anywhere in life.

I’m not going to sit here and say we want the bad guy, because we’ve all been there, done that, thought we could be the one girl to change him. What I am saying though, is an air of mystery never hurt anyone. What’s dating in your 20’s without the thrill of the chase? As long as you’re on the same page, you can’t go wrong with a touch of mystery. After all, she doesn’t really know what she wants, so why don’t you be the one to show her?

Featured image from Leo Hidalgo.

SHARE

15 COMMENTS

  1. Women these days offer little to zero return investment. They are more selective than surgeons and expel every single guy they date to be prince charming. Once they find a more attractive or financially successful mate, they will ditch the one their dating. It is the way of women and its why young men are giving up in alarming rates

    • I dont normally comment on these things after reading, but today is different i guess. Mostly to agree to how young guys like myself are giving up trying to get a girl. And now that im probably not going back to college anytime soon probably brought down my “worth”. For the most part, just seem like women now are just a bunch of clout chasers or whatever. I can never get over how girls tend to stay with those that give them hell. And it seems like women (for the most part) seem to know what they but in the end they dont haha. Guess they just seem like it until they find that financially successful or attractive person. But heck, i dont know what I want myself alot of the time, life wise.

  2. I blame it on Disney and bad parenting I don’t know if is this country or a world thing, but the moment you raise your daughter as a princess you are already hurting her future and her perseption of reality… reality for women that would eventually starts kicking in when they reach their 30’s or plus and they realized they had many good opportunities but now the nice, polite, hard working man (not Prince Charming)they missed is now looking for a younger more fertile and suitable option.

  3. I’m in my late 30s and “women” have never been more difficult. They are too busy competing with men. Men, real men, not Millennial boys and girls, don’t want to compete at work – we just want to get the job done, and I’m in sales. We don’t need or want to show you everyday how great of a job were doing, are you frikin kidding me? We don’t need to have our efforts reinforced. I don’t need you to tell me I’m doing a good or great job, I KNOW I am. I’m more confident than anyone I know. More confident than a lion in heat, I don’t need reassurance, that’s what being a man is. That’s what attracts women. But not these “women”, I mean girls. Girls who don’t say anything when you say hello to them. Girls who actually make an EFFORT to not look in your direction when walking to and fro work. I mean how childish is that? And the worse offender? The smartphone addict who looks like she cant function without a device like a mental patient. And she is everywoman right now. You know how stupid you look when you’re at a street corner and the light turns red, and you clearly cant stand still for 20 seconds, so you pull out your phone swiping, swiping, always swiping. ADDICT!!! When did women/girls become so unsexy?

    You don’t want me to look at you? Fine. I won’t. I can make women laugh, I love their laughter. I love their company, each one is truly a precious gift from God. They are all Angels, and they are wonderful for the soul. But now, they are SOO into themselves, and SOOO jaded by the phone that many to me seem now so hopelessly unattractive…

    • True.
      It’s disappointing,all we can do is fuck them randomly,you cannot expect a good woman to appear.
      They are whores,free btw,
      A couple of drinks and she can be triple married ask suck your balls in the bar bathroom.so just fuckem,I make them laugh too,I’m super stable as well,actually I’m 32 and retired:).
      They are to dumb now and can’t handle guys like us.you said it,they try to be men.
      So dumb it’s pathetic.
      If they wouldn’t ALL fight us for it and actually ignoledge the problem then change might happen.for now,porn is better:)

  4. Same I’m 23 and dating a 20 year old who kinda doesn’t know herself or what she wants im came to the conclusion that imnot worried about it anymore I can try to show her what she wants and needs by being the best boy freind in the world and she can’t see that then it’s her loss and on to the next one for me not trying to sound like an asshole but us men can only go so far before we give trying so ladies I feel as though y’all really need to sit down and think about your lives and where you want it lead you cause that nice guy that you don’t know if you want or not isn’t gonna stick around forever

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here