10 Signs You Should Head Home Before You Accept That Next Drink

As you head out the door of your last class on Friday after a long week, you’re ready for a drink… or five. And with a shot or two before heading out, a few beers at the bar, and some rounds of shots with your friends, things are going to go downhill—fast. Once you start doing a few of these things, it’s probably time to call a trustworthy friend, get home safe and call it a night, for good.

  1. You’re repeatedly telling people “I’m not drunk”

1_Not Drunk

And then you’re giggling hysterically afterwards.

  1. Articles of your clothing start disappearing.

2_No Pants

My friend once walked 6 blocks in only one shoe. And it was a fairly expensive Sperry, too.

  1. You start spilling drinks.

3_Spilling Drinks

That first sip that you take where you kind of completely miss your mouth: yeah, that’s a sign you need to slow way down if you want to be functional.

  1. You find yourself making out with someone you wouldn’t normally be kissing.

4_Kissing Who

And midway through, you forget who you’re making out with and are slightly terrified when you open your eyes to check.

  1. You’ve made at least twelve new “best friends.”

Step-Brothers-Did-we-just-become-best-friends

You’ll probably get their snapchat names, watch all their stories but never speak to them again.

  1. You’re texting and calling your exes.

regret_this_decision_anchorman

They look something like this: “why dohgnt you talk to me anyemore???” “come hang uot PARTY” im drubk.”

  1. And you’re crying because they’re not texting you back.

7_Crying

You’ve probably also tried calling them, their friends, snapchatted them, and left a few voicemails you’ll regret.

  1. You’re dancing even if there isn’t any music.

8_Dancing

You also probably think that move you just invented is going to catch on, but really you just kind of look like one of those inflatable wind creatures that you see at festivals.

  1. You’re attempting to do things you are not physically capable of.

9_Not Physically Capable

Yeah, please do NOT jump off that roof, it probably won’t end well.

      10. You’re stealing things you don’t actually want.

10_Stealing

There is nothing special about that N’Sync Poster.

If you wake up in the morning to Snapchat videos of you leaping off tables and doing a no-pants dance, don’t worry. These nights will happen to the best of us. And if you’re the sober one witnessing the fiasco, help your fellow party-goer get home to a safe place because you’d want them to do the same for you. Remember, as long as you’re surrounded by trustworthy friends who will take care of you, you’ll have something to laugh about the next morning—just make a mental note to head home before accepting that final vodka-and-soda next time.

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2 COMMENTS

  1. […] Here I am, speaking to you as the self-proclaimed Rubi-queen that I am—this is disgusting. Literally, we are willingly putting poison into our bodies that we attempt to mask with a sugary sports drink. For $15 a handle, you certainly get what you pay for. A wise man once told me, “Don’t drink shit liquor.” Well, here I am, quickly approaching the age of 22, still drinking shit liquor. Is it really worth saving the $10 for a deathly liquid that burns with the fires of Hell down your throat? Um, yeah. I need that money for drunk pizza. […]

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