Girl Code: Who’s Off Limits When it Comes to Boys

Girl World has an unwritten, often even unspoken code, which makes some love simply forbidden. A friend’s brothers, cousins, best friends, crushes, and boys who have already been “dibbs-ed” fall strictly outside the zone of accessibility. The most important in this category are ex-boyfriends of any friends: it is completely unimportant if they’ve been broken up for three years, he is still off the market. So what do you do if you happen to fall in love?

I recently underwent the agony of having to choose between my best friend and a love I couldn’t deny. To summarize, the feelings grew for over a year and eventually they became louder than anything else in my world. It made me sick to think about telling my best friend, because I was there when he broke up with her and I was there when she cried about it, but then I felt cheated because my feelings mattered too. Finally, I told her that I wanted to do something about it and see where it could go. I had to trust that what was supposed to happen would happen. It’s safe to say that I lost a best friend that day, and I miss and think about her often. Was it worth it?

I learned that I need to put myself first. In going through this experience, I realized that our friendship was only seemingly smooth because I prioritized her desires. I walked around on eggshells for an entire year because I was considering all of her feelings and none of my own. A friend that expects you to be unhappy for the sake of their happiness is hardly a friend at all.

I learned that I need to follow my heart. Being a fairly logical person, I always thought this quote was ridiculous because “following your heart” is so much easier said than done. It is outrageously difficult to ignore your brain, what your friends and family think, and the potential consequences. But if, after extensive consideration, your heart still wants what it wants, you have to listen because if you don’t, you’ll always wonder what could’ve been.

I learned that true love can never be a matter of “girlfriends over boyfriends.” If a friend left a girls’ night in high school to answer a call from her boyfriend of three days, it was easy to assume her priorities weren’t in check. Sacrificing anything for some random boy is usually ridiculous because the benefits don’t outweigh the costs. However, on rare occasions you are actually confronted with tangible love. This is no longer a conflict to be solved with “chicks before dicks” because if said chicks were truly rooting for you, they’d see the opportunity you did and they’d want you to find perfect love.

In learning all these valuable life lessons, yes – sacrificing a friendship for love was worth it. Although it was hard to adjust to life without her around, losing my best friend opened my eyes to so many truths about the world and in the end, made me a more mature individual. I also fell into the greatest love of my entire life, and I couldn’t be happier with the boy who holds my heart. Don’t be afraid to follow your heart: even though it doesn’t always work out, you have to try or you’ll always wonder “what if?”

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