Imagine this: You meet a guy in a studies class and he’s absolutely amazing. The two of you have been on several dates and you have been hitting it off really well. There seems to be a potential for things to progress although you agreed to his suggestion to not get serious too quickly. Things aren’t exclusive yet, but you have high hopes. Then the terrible reality hits, you find out that he’s a player. A friend that that knows him fills you in on some of the dirty details about how he is and since she has mentioned it, it starts to make sense why he won’t add you on Facebook.
All your girlfriends would suggest to stop seeing him immediately, but you don’t want to give up just yet. It’s been said a million times before that you can’t change someone, but you still think that this will be different and can’t help but wonder, ‘What if I can beat the odds and somehow inspire him to commit to me?’ You aren’t sure if it will happen, but you’re feeling up for the challenge.
Before anything else, it needs to understood that there are two main types of players in the dating world; 1)The ones that genuinely don’t want to commit to one girl for the time being and 2) The ones that are only playing the field because they think that’s what guys their age are supposed to do.
The latter are guys that may actually want to have a more serious relationship with one girl, but they have gotten this idea that younger women don’t want to settle down either. They assume that since everyone their own age seems to be hooking up as opposed to having a monogamous relationship, they might as well just do the same. These pseudo-players are the ones that have the potential to be turned into great boyfriends.
You have to understand that guys are players with girls that they don’t take very seriously. A player might like a lot of these girls, but he knows he’s not going to be settling down with any of them. For this to change, you have to encourage him to see you as better than these girls. You have to show him that you are different and that there is a reason why he should commit to you.
- Make an impression. Show him a little bit of everything you have to offer. You are intelligent, hard working, and level headed. You can make one hell of a steak dinner, fix your own car, love camping, and you kick ass at bowling too. Guys love a girl that knows a thing or two about a variety of things in life.
- Keep an air of mystery. Don’t reveal everything about yourself all at once. A guy will be much more interested in a girl that is always surprising him with her wit, brains, talents, changes in style, etc. When you talk about yourself, stay humble and then show him how great you are through your actions. It will also leave him wanting more.
- Don’t be at his beck and call. He has to know that you aren’t someone he can manipulate into running to him whenever he wants. That means, don’t let him booty call you in the middle of the night or ask you to come over to his house on a short notice. Doing so will only reveal that you are just another girl he can play with. You want want to earn higher respect than that.
- Read up on pickup artist material. Many players are into the game aspect of being a pickup artist. It will benefit you if you have an insider’s knowledge and get a head of his game. That way, you can dodge his bullets and and even send them flying back if necessary. This will show him that you won’t be played and are above the other girls he knows.
- Have a life outside of him. Guys are attracted to girls that can be happy with or without him. You don’t want to seem clingy but you also don’t want to appear not interested. Let your guy know that you like him but he isn’t the center of your universe. You will still make time for family, friends, school, work, and your hobbies.
- Hold off on sex. There’s nothing wrong with casually hooking up as long as you know what you are getting into. However, if you want your guy to take you seriously, it’s a good idea to take yourself seriously. Many men are more reluctant to commit to a girl if she sleeps with him right away. Making him wait will prove that you are good for more than just hooking up.
- Stand by him and be supportive. A guy will be impressed with a girl that shows him that she is on his side. Encourage him to do well in school school and with his extra curriculars. Cheer him up when he’s had a bad day. Show him you are truly interested in his life and that you will really be there for him when he needs someone.
If all else fails, it might be time to let this one go. You don’t want to invest very much time into a guy that isn’t that invested in you. It all boils down to a very real truth that a guy can only change if he wants to change. If he’s dead set on being a player, then he will continue to be one until he feels he has had enough. Then one day in five to ten years, you will probably unexpectedly hear from him. He will tell you that you look great and he might even ask you out. At that point, the tables have turned and it’s your call on whether or not he’s the one that’s worth it.
Featured image via Marlene Leppänen on Pexels
so then do men actually use sites like gotamarriedhallpass.com to cheat? or are they fake?
Ms. Pariseau – “hold off on sex” (let’s be honest) is a means for a girl to play the field in the meantime, while simultaneously pinning a man down and decreasing his market value (since he’s narrowly focused on seducing you). THAT’S what holding off on sex accomplishes. It does not increase a woman’s value in a man’s eyes to artificially delay capitalizing on those initial sparks. A man decides whether or not he’d consider a woman for his committed partner long before sex ever happens.
For the best of men, withholding just decreases a girl’s buying temperature, and lowers her SEXUAL value, while simultaneously increasing her FRIENDSHIP and COMPANION value. Can you see the direction I’m going with this?
That’s right.
Withholding sex can also land a girl right in the friend zone, which (in many cases) is exactly where she’s going anyway, regardless of whether or not hot sex happens.
So there you go. Take it or leave it, from a man’s perspective – “holding off on sex” does not, in any form, alter the outcome of the relationship that is to be. A girl’s candidacy for “girlfriend” or “one-and-done” is already decided!
Well, I’m a chick with a player side, but I can be faithful if the seemingly right guy comes along. I say seemingly because I’m not committed to anyone right now. I’m seeing a couple guys, 2 are sweethearts, one too young, one too old, and then the 3rd guy is pure eye candy. I do enjoy his company and all, but, he is something worth looking at and of course the one I’ve been sleeping with. I’m not sure that I would want to get serious with eye candy, but I do want to keep him around a while to consider it. OKay, I’m also the woman that all the females call me to explain their men’s tough process, because I don’t know, every man I’ve been serious with has said I’m like dating a man with girl parts. Well when it comes to thought process… Anyhow, women and men can have sex if they choose too, any man that thinks less of a woman for having sex is an idiot. But any woman that doesn’t try to imply that she will not usually hook up.that fast is an idiot too. Of course if you are going to have sex right away, then tell him it’s is very unusual for you and blow his head up a little… then pull back… don’t contact him right off the bat, then show him how great you are…. My problem is not getting a man, it’s finding a man I want and I don’t think he exists. Could that not be why some men may be players? Maybe they just have not found that woman that they want. The looks, the personality, the sexual connection, the whole package. And why settle for less? Especially the older we all get why should I settle for something I kow I don’t want in the long run. I’ll get bored, or sick or him, or frustrated with him not meeting what I want. People are often blinded by seeing what they want and don’t see the truth and flaws when they are all head over heals. Being able to walk away and not get all worked up and emotional will keep your head clear. My biggest problem is I’m too giving always willing to help people and that can appear as if he has me at his beck and call, but I’m just a giving person, and I’m not talking about sex. But sex, I love sex too, so why not enjoy it? Anyhow, this may sound like a long babble, but I’m just wondering can’t a guy be a player because he just doesn’t want to settle for something less than what he wants?
We are sooooo much alike. I read your comment and it’s like it came straight from my head
I wNt to be that girl who makes him hang up his jersey and quit the game.
Fix the player? Yeeaa… waste those good boob years.. those good egg years (cuz the family guys, want the good egg years believe it or not.. they will eventually just date younger women who are more mature than you. That’s the truth, that you are immature, and that some young women are not.)
.. cuz the player ain’t settling anyway. They keep the jersey and that’s that. When they decide to be serious, it won’t be with the girls they played with, unless they intend to manipulate or control them.
Why would they want a wife that they can’t trust? Why would they trust a girl who is intentionally seeking unworthy partners? That’s almost like trusting an addict.
Who am I to say? A gentleman, an alpha who is in touch with his feelings and will wreck any threat to his lover/family and a Dom.
I’m dedicated to pleasure in bed, but you’d never know it cuz I don’t put my pearls before swine. -or did you think you were high value? Acting like that?!.. puh..lease.. you just made yourself a dime a dozen.
If I can’t find “the one”, and I took you home… it’s because I do *not* want long term with you. Period. I don’t risk my heart on hook-ups.. you literally just got struck off my list. As in, disqualified permanently.
I do *not* typically ‘pick up’ a girl for fun, but when I do, the above is true.
The girls I hook with understand that ‘more’ is not going to happen, or else I wouldn’t waste the time. I do not want to hurt folks like that, I’m better than that.
Is that fair? Irrelevant, You aren’t playing fair, so fairness doesn’t come into it. You want fair?. Date good men, not ‘nice guys’ -good… men…
The bad boy will make his choice to change and play a whole new field. He won’t change mid game.. I have *never* seen that happen in an honest fashion.
Wanna know why ‘bad man’ sounds funny?. Cuz it’s wierd to call a boy a man. You really don’t want to be a bad boys mommy.
You 20 somethings have a little time, if you are getting to the mid 30s and still living like that… tick tock, that’s your biology and we [men] are not ignorant of it.
I appreciate I was harsh, I can’t apologize.. I feel like people need the bitter truth sometimes. We will not be interested in you if you wait to long or play to much, there are better partners, some of them are younger and have more self-worth. Younger means breeding potential, it means ‘dang they are mature for their age and will get even better in time.’
I used to judge the 36 year old man with the 21 year old woman.. I was wrong. He just found a woman who matched his maturity and his needs. ‘Women’ can be any age and so can ‘girls’.
Tough love, unfiltered. To clarify, I’m not a pig.. be yourself, you are woman! I hear you roar and I respect your agency.
It’s just the cold hard truth, and I’ve had just enough to drink tonight to not pull punches.
Good luck!. For what it’s worth, the bad boys have to pay the price eventually as well.. I’m just letting you know how expensive it really is. Tick tock and good luck.
Please don’t try to ‘fix us’ we either fix ourselves or we don’t -just like everyone else -male female and nonbinary alike.